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The power went out at Mark's house after severe storms. No lights, no charged phone, no easy distractions. Suddenly he's pacing, edgy, feeling that low simmer of anxiety he thought he had handled.

That moment pulled the curtain back on a bigger truth. He's been leaning on a crutch to manage his inner weather. And when the outer weather took it away, the inside got loud fast.

Mark talks honestly about cannabis use, the strange safety of calling it "not a problem" because you still show up to work, and the quiet ways dependence hides in planning, bargaining, and checking out. A friend asked him a direct question that cut through his excuses: were you embarrassed by it?

From there he gets into the real work of early recovery. Restless nights, intense dreams, anger, sadness, and the brutal self-talk that shows up when you stop escaping. If you've wrestled with imposter syndrome, self-image, or that feeling that you should be further along, you'll recognize this terrain.

The metaphor that won't leave him alone is the crutch you don't truly need anymore, but keep using anyway until it wears your soles down. For some people it's cannabis. For others it's alcohol, scrolling, sugar, shopping, rage, or staying busy enough to never sit still.

This isn't a willpower lecture. It's a conversation about fear, presence, and why treading water is still swimming when you're in a hard stretch.

They land on one practical anchor: just put it down for today. 

(Thank you to Bill Maeda for his support and vulnerability. Here's a link to his YouTube channel if you're interested in his work.)

If you're trying to quit, reset, or simply stay with yourself through the storm, come listen. If it resonates, share it with someone who needs it and leave a review so more people can find Fierce Encouragement.

quick share of pause that matters plug for Sept 17th, 2026

the ending plug for pause that matters on Sept 17, 2026.

Seven seats left in the Awareness Lab. Cart closes midnight, October 2nd, then it's gone until the next Spring. Grab your seat here.