Episode Details

There is a kind of pain a lot of men carry without ever naming. Hidden inside video games, inside pornography, inside relationships that hurt, inside a self-image that says strong men do not need help. And the longer it stays unnamed, the harder it becomes to walk out of.

Yusuf sits down with Vincent Hazenboom, host of the How to Heart podcast and a men's mental health advocate, for an honest, careful conversation about porn addiction, trauma, and the slow road back. Vincent is not speaking from theory. He spent more than 20 years inside the addiction himself. They talk about the moment something inside him said get help, what the work actually looks like in ordinary days, and why almost none of it is about willpower.

This is a sensitive episode. Listener discretion advised.

Vincent Hazenboom is a Dutch men's mental health advocate, the host of the How to Heart podcast, and a coach helping men move through porn addiction recovery. He describes himself as an introvert and a highly sensitive person, and his work centres on vulnerability, emotional honesty, and what he calls heart-centred masculine leadership. He has spent more than two decades inside the addiction he now helps other men leave, and his approach is built on lived experience, professional healing work (including EMDR therapy), and what he has learned about trauma, shame, and the quiet ways men disconnect from themselves.

• For many men, porn addiction is not a willpower problem. It is a way of self-soothing around unhealed trauma, loneliness, and disconnection.
• The shame loop ("try harder, fail again, hate yourself more") keeps men stuck. Healing usually begins somewhere quieter than discipline.
• Trying to do recovery alone, as a "lone wolf," often delays it by years. Vincent says reaching out for help was the single best decision he made.
• Practical anchors helped him: trauma-focused therapy, a porn blocker he could not easily disable, replacing the habit with movement (gym, salsa, work), and disciplined daily action.
• The deeper shift is learning to be vulnerable, with yourself first, and then with one safe person. Not a public confession, just a single honest sentence to someone who can hold it.
• Men who do not have an outlet often break down silently. Opening up to a friend, therapist, coach, or community is the work, and it changes everything.

• How to Heart website: https://linktr.ee/howtoheartshow
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/vincent.hazenboom/ 
• Apple Po