Episode Details

In this conversation, Amy sits down with mindfulness teacher and writer Oneika Mays to talk about her new book, Sit with Me: A No-BS Journey to Mindfulness and Meditation—part memoir, part meditation guide, and an unflinching look at what it means to practice loving-kindness in real-world conditions, including inside Rikers Island.

Oneika shares what it felt like to work inside a system built on hierarchy and dehumanization, the tension of receiving a salary inside a harmful structure, and the moment she realized that “the system isn’t broken—it’s working as designed.” From there, the conversation widens into the heart of metta: not as softness or spiritual bypassing, but as grounded, actionable love that can hold anger, boundaries, and truth-telling without losing our humanity.

About Oneika and the Book

Book: Sit with Me: A No-BS Journey to Mindfulness and Meditation (HarperOne / HarperCollins; on sale March 3, 2026).

How Oneika describes it: “Meditation is for messy people… This book is part memoir, part meditation guide—and it’s about showing up exactly as you are.”

What You’ll Hear in This Episode

• The embodied “ick” of being treated as “one of us” by staff—how hierarchy shows up in small moments, tone shifts, and access.
• Why reform can get absorbed by a machine—and how “helping” can unintentionally make a harmful system look more palatable.
• The pivot from “fixing” to “serving,” and why that matters in any therapeutic or helping profession.
• Metta as a practice that includes righteous anger, loving accountability, and clear boundaries (not performative positivity).
• The inner work of not needing to be liked—and why unconditional love is not the same as being “nice.”
• A grounded call to action: personal responsibility, collective responsibility, and small acts that add up.

Core Themes to Highlight (for your episode description)

1) Metta is not performative softness.

It’s a disciplined practice of staying human—especially when it’s inconvenient, when you’re angry, and when you need boundaries.

2) The “system” is not abstract—it’s embodied.

Hierarchy is felt through tone, access, positioning, and whose body is treated as more worthy.

3) Serving is different than fixing.

When we see people as broken, we become controlling or paternalistic. When we serve, we stay in relationship with wholeness.

4) Choosing yourself can be an ethical act.

Not as individualism, but as harm reduction—because depleted care can become harmful care.

5) Collective change is built from small refusals.

Not pre-agreeing to dehumanization. Practicing “no” with steadiness, clarity, and community.

Resources Mentioned in the Conversation

• The New Jim Crow — Michelle Alexander (recommended by Oneika in the episode)
• “Helping, Fixing, and Serving” — Rachel Naomi Remen (named in the episode)
• Sharon Salzberg’s teaching stories on loving-kindness (referenced in the episode)
• Audre Lorde on self-care as self-preservation (referenced in the episode)
• Toni Morrison quote on freedom and responsibility (referenced in the episode)
• Timothy Snyder’s guidance on resisting authoritarianism (Amy referenced at the end)

Connect with Oneika

• Website: Oneika Mays www.OneikaMays.com

Book Details and Where to Find It

Sit with Me: A No-BS Journey to Mindfulness and Meditation is published by HarperOne and is listed as on sale March 3, 2026.