Episode Details

Have you ever lost a whole afternoon to a conversation that ended three days ago? Picking it apart, wondering what the other person actually meant, mentally rehearsing what you should have said. There is a name for what your brain is doing. ⁠It is called rumination, and according to research from Yale, it is the single most damaging mental habit science can measure⁠. In this episode, I sit down with Donna Jackson Nakazawa, the science journalist who has spent decades translating cutting-edge neuroscience into language regular humans can actually use. Her new book Mind Drama (out this week) is the most useful explanation I have read of what is actually happening in your brain when you cannot stop replaying a conversation, and what the science says you can do about it. Donna and I get into the survival biology behind your overthinking, the unexpected link between early relationships and adult thought patterns, and her real-time interruption tool. She walks me through it live, with my own ruminative mind as the example. It got pretty real. In This Episode The four-step framework Donna walked me through live, in real time, while I was actually overthinking something (it interrupts a spiral in under a minute) Why your brain creates these loops in the first place, and the evolutionary reason it cannot just stop on command The hidden link between your earliest relationships and the thought patterns you carry into adulthood The word for what you have been calling overthinking, and why nearly a third of adults have never heard it How rumination shows up at work, and the moment I realized I was doing it about my own business while we were recording The Yale research that names rumination as the biggest single predictor of depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and even cognitive decline What science says does not work for overthinking (and why willpower keeps failing you) The reframe that changes everything: your rumination is a signal fire from your past, not a character flaw Why This Matters This episode is for anyone who has ever lost a whole day to a conversation that already happened. The smart, accomplished, self-aware woman who has read every book about mindset and still finds herself staring at the ceiling at 2 AM. The friend who knows logically that the email did not mean what she thinks it means, and who is on her seventh draft of a reply anyway. If you have ever caught yourself in a loop and thought, what is wrong with me, this conversation will start to answer that question. Spoiler: nothing is wrong with you. Episode Breakdown 00:00 The Mental Spiral You Can't Stop 03:51 What Rumination Actually Is 06:06 Is Overthinking a Symptom of Anxiety? 08:35 Why Your Brain Won't Let It Go: A Survival Response Gone Rogue 12:01 Inside the Default Mode Network 18:39 How Overthinking Shows Up at Work and in Your Relationships 22:22 The MIST Framework: How to Stop Overthinking in Real Time 38:53 The Old Story Underneath the Spiral 45:57 Reclaiming the Voice Your Rumination Has Been Hiding 55:42 When You Need a Real Person, Not Just a Strategy Resources Take the ⁠What's Holding You Back? Quiz⁠ ⁠Schedule a free consultation⁠ with a coach or therapist on the Growing Self team. Here is what I want you to take away from this conversation: your brain getting stuck in a loop is not a character flaw. It is a real neural pattern with real roots, and it is genuinely changeable. If this conversation made you realize you are ready to actually do something about this with a real person, my team at Growing Self does free first conversations. No commitment, no pressure. Just a real conversation with a coach or therapist who gets it. If this episode meant something to you, please share it with the friend you already have in mind. xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby ⁠Growing Self ⁠ Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast: Upwork — Access to vetted professionals across 125+ categories.