Episode Details

If your husband has betrayed you, figuring out how to rebuild trust in a relationship can feel overwhelming. You may even feel pressure, from others or from yourself, to help him rebuild that trust by explaining what you need to feel safe again. However, that can actually put you at risk.

After all, you can’t rebuild trust for him. Trust only grows when he consistently chooses to be trustworthy.

That’s why, if your husband has broken your trust and you want to feel safe with him again, it helps to pause, take a step back, and think strategically. If you need support in the process, attend a Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group Session to talk to others in similar situations.

THREE WAYS HOW TO REBUILD TRUST IN A RELATIONSHIP

1. UNDERSTAND THE NATURE OF TRUST

The first and most crucial step is to understand that you shouldn’t trust someone who isn’t trustworthy. The person who broke the trust is the only one who can repair the damage by changing their actions and demonstrating their commitment to honesty over time.

2. RESIST THE PRESSURE TO TEACH HIM HOW TO BE TRUSTWORTHY

It might seem helpful to tell your partner how to rebuild trust, exactly what they need to do to earn your trust back. But giving instructions like, “text me when you’re late” or “share your location” can create a dangerous illusion of progress when he complies.

He may follow your directions just enough to keep the peace without really changing. Creating a false sense of security and leaving you vulnerable to hurt again.

To find out if he’s using any one of the 19 different types of emotional abuse, take my free emotional abuse test.

3. KNOW THAT EFFORT ISN’T THE SAME AS TRUSTWORTHINESSS

The safest and most effective way to see if your husband becoming trustworthy again is to observe his words and actions over time. Here are some things to look for:

• Has he taken full responsibility of restoring trust without making excuses or pressuring you to reconcile?
• Is he consistent in his words and behaviors?
• Does he show empathy for the pain he caused you?

Keep reading to learn more about how to move forward with clarity, even when you’re not getting answers.

If you’re feeling confused about whether or not your husband is trustworthy, we’re always online to support you. Here’s our daily support group schedule.

Obviously, rebuilding trust after he’s broken it is so hard, and there’s another part of this that’s just as hard. For women of faith, if you’ve been praying and praying for God to help change your husband’s heart, and it’s not happening. That can be so painful, especially when He doesn’t seem to answering prayer for your husband. So if you’re interested in hearing more about this from a faith perspective, here’s my interview with Kirby Kelly.

TRANSCRIPT: HOW TO REBUILD TRUST AFTER BETRAYAL

Anne: Welcome, I have a wonderful guest on today, Kirby Kelly. Kirby is an author and speaker whose book The Fabric of Hope invites listeners into honest reflection on hope and loss without shying away from the depth of human pain.

Her perspective on healing is rooted on both empathy and thoughtful reflection, acknowledging the weight of betrayal, while encouraging steady hope and inner resilience. Kirby, I love that the focus of your book is on when things don’t go quite right. Our audience is interfaith and inner paradigm, so for those of you listening, we’re having a discussion of faith today and the b