Episode Details

Have you ever felt like you knew something was off about the path your child was on, but everyone around you, doctors, teachers, experts, seemed so certain you were wrong? This episode sits with that tension. Robert C. DeLena joins host Sayan for an honest, deeply personal conversation about parenting a child who didn't fit the mold, and what it cost them before they found the courage to trust their own instincts.

Through the story of his son Ryan, who went from a child labeled, restrained, and misunderstood by the educational system to a professional outdoorsman and adventurer, Robert shares what raising a resilient child actually looks like from the inside. Not the Instagram version. The real one, full of wrong turns, hard lessons, and one accidental ski trip that changed everything.

Robert C. DeLena is the co-author of Without Restraint: How Skiing Saved My Son's Life, a father-son memoir co-written with his son Ryan DeLena. A legal professional and recruiter based in Massachusetts, Robert has spent years sharing the lessons of their family's journey to help other parents navigate systems that don't always see the full picture of who their child is.

• You know your child better than any expert does. A diagnosis or a label can narrow how others see your child, but it doesn't have to narrow how you see them. Trust what you observe daily, what no appointment can capture.
• Buffering your child from every fall doesn't build resilience. It delays it. Resilience grows through experience, not protection. Letting a child stumble, within reason, is part of the process, not a failure of parenting.
• The system is designed around compliance, not curiosity. A child who doesn't sit still, color within the lines, or listen to every instruction may not have a disorder. They may simply be wired for leadership, exploration, or a kind of learning that classrooms don't reward.
• Finding one thing that lights a child up can carry them through years of difficulty. Ryan's skiing wasn't just a hobby. It was the thread that kept him connected to himself when everything else felt like failure. Help your child find their version of that thread.
• Resilience is something parents also have to practice. Robert's story isn't just about Ryan. It's about a father who had to get up after bad decisions, wrong turns, and borrowed certainties, and try again with more honesty and less fear.
• Don't create pathways toward a career you want. Create pathways toward what makes them feel alive. There's a difference between happiness as a goal and freedom as a foundation. Aim for the second.

Robert mentioned in this episode:

Book: Without Restraint: How Skiing Saved My Son's Life (co-authored with Ryan DeLena) Available on Amazon (print, Kindle, and audiobook): https://www.amazon.com/Without-Restra