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38 Seeing the Signs of Shame in Yourself and Others

Episode 38 Published 5 years, 5 months ago
Description
  1. Intro: Welcome to the podcast Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe Diem!, where by God’s grace, you and I rise up and embrace the possibilities and opportunities for spiritual and psychological growth in this time of crisis, all grounded in a Catholic worldview.   We are going beyond mere resilience, to rising up to the challenges of this pandemic and becoming even healthier in the natural and the spiritual realms than we were before.  I’m clinical psychologist Peter Malinoski and I am here with you, to be your host and guide.  This podcast is part of Souls and Hearts, our online outreach at soulsandhearts.com, which is all about shoring up our natural foundation for the spiritual life, all about overcoming psychological obstacles to being loved and to loving.  
    1. Thank you for being here with me.  This is episode 38, released on October 19, 2020 
    2. and it is titled: Seeing the signs of shame in yourself and others. 
    3. We are going to understand much more deeply the nature of shame, where shame comes from and how it manifests itself inside of us, and how it is expressed.  
    4. We are focusing today on learning more about shame and recognizing it -- recognizing it in ourselves and in others, becoming better able to detect it.     
    5. Remember parts of the dynamics of shame include shame remaining hidden, unobserved, unrecognized for what it is.  Shame is tricky, it's slippery, it loves to camouflage itself. 
    6. We are in a series of episodes about shame.  In future episodes we will get to how shame affects our spiritual lives and we will also focus on how to heal from shame, how to break out of the vicious shame cycles in which we find ourselves spinning.  
  2.  So Let's start by Circling back -- review of shame from the last session and then adding some real depth and nuance as we review and expand upon what we covered in the last episode, Episode 37.  
  3. Shame is: 
    1. The primary problem we have in the natural realm
    2. That gives birth to so many secondary problems -- we tend to focus on the secondary problems, the problems that are further downstream -- so we are not getting to the root.  
    3. Drawing heavily from Kathy Steele, Suzette Boon, and Otto van Der Hart -- trauma clinicians and researchers who have worked with real clinical population, real people, not just academicians. 
    4. Also drawing from Richard Schwartz and Regina Goulding -- Mosaic Mind.   
      1. Be open to really learning about this
         
        1. this can be challenging 

        1. take what suits you -- can slow way down.  If this is really activating for you, consider psychotherapy -- Souls and Hearts course on how to choose a therapist.
      3.  
      4. If you can resolve your dysfunctional shame -- have a deep sense of being lovable and loved, by God, others and yourself, you've solved most of your psychological issues on the natural level.  
      5. Shame has five dimensions: shame is a primary emotion, shame is a bodily reaction, shame is a signal to us,  shame is an internal self-judgement, and shame is an action -- a verb (review).  
      6. Adding today behavioral expression of shame
         
        1. These behavioral expressions of shame are not shame itself, but they are intimately linked with shame and some of the best indicators of unrecognized shame.  

    5. Shame is more than most people assume.  We tend to have very limited, very primitive understandings of shame -- very unidimensional.  
    6. Let's review the five dimensions of shame.  
    7. Shame is a primary emotion -- heartset
       
      1. Primary emotions are those that we feel first, as a first response to a situation. They are unthinking, instinctive, emotions that rise up spontaneously
    8.  
      1. More nuan
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