Episode Details

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In this episode of The Art of Imperfect Adulting, Amy Stone speaks with Courtney Boyer about deconstructing religious beliefs, unraveling "goodness," and the path from purity culture to embracing polyamory. Courtney lives in Germany. She shares her journey from an Evangelical Christian upbringing in the U.S. through redefining her sense of self, sexuality, and fulfillment in adulthood. This candid conversation explores the intersections of faith, identity, marriage, and the courage to choose honesty.

About Courtney Boyer:

Courtney Boyer, M.Ed., M.S., is a therapist-turned-relationship coach, writer, and speaker whose work centers on love, desire, and authenticity. She has been featured in The New York Post, Cosmopolitan, The Huffington Post, and BBC Radio Live. Drawing on her background in mental health and sex therapy, she brings a unique blend of professional expertise and lived experience to conversations around relationships and identity. When she isn’t writing or coaching, Courtney can be found chasing joy. This includes traveling, reading, or savoring delicious coffee and deep conversation. She is passionate about helping women break free from shame, reclaim their bodies and voices, and create relationships rooted in honesty and autonomy.

Main Topics Covered:

1. Growing up in a high-control Evangelical Christian environment and its impact on beliefs around gender, sex, and "being good."
2. The meaning and process of "deconstructing" faith, especially when beliefs no longer align with lived values.
3. Navigating marriage roles, motherhood, and self-sacrifice—plus the invisible labor women often carry.
4. Overcoming shame, disconnection, and body criticism rooted in purity culture.
5. The shift from therapist and wife “doing everything right” to embracing authentic self-expression and pleasure.
6. Opening the conversation around non-monogamy, polyamory, and sexual fulfillment in adulthood.
7. The complexity of honesty in intimate partnerships—and what it takes to rebuild a relationship on new terms.
8. Parenting with openness about faith, ethics, and personal choice.

Quote from the Episode: "I was so resolute in who I was at that point. I was so done with placating to other people." — Courtney Boyer

Timestamps: [00:00:05] Introduction – Where Courtney calls home and what she loves about Germany

[00:00:43] Exploring "goodness" and doing everything "right" in marriage and faith

[00:01:16] Early adulthood: marriage, Evangelical Christian context, and career beginnings

[00:03:00] High-control religion explained and how it shaped Courtney’s identity

[00:04:07] Becoming a sex educator and therapist as a Christian woman

[00:06:00] The "quiet erosion"—starting to question Evangelical beliefs (gay marriage, inclusion)

[00:07:26] Deconstruction: pulling apart faith, family, and community

[00:12:29] Motherhood, caretaking, and the emotional toll of self-sacrifice

[00:16:12] Shame, disconnection, and curiosity about sex as a teen in religious spaces

[00:19:49] The internalization of body criticism and purity