Episode Details

The Girl I Met on Tinder Won't Stop Taking Photosby DOCTOR HEINOUSTinder is a funny place. Not funny as in haha, but like… Strange, you know? People pretend to be so normal but normal people do n’t need dating apps...Take me for example, I was 29 years old and single for the first time since I was 11. Best believe I was fucked up. Me and my ex-wife got together when we were kids and finally had the balls to split up 17 years later. It wasn’t what you would call healthy at all. People grow apart, especially if you get together before you’ve grown at all.You don’t really think about it but a lot of things change when you get divorced. Living alone is fucking weird, even more so sleeping by yourself after years of company, but the hardest thing is trying to adapt to the ever-changing dating world.After some convincing from a friend, I decided to make a Tinder account. Why? I don’t know… I had the perfect dad bod, scruffy beard, and pickup truck. Why would someone pick me out of a million profiles? I guess I spoke too soon because soon after my inbox swarmed with messages. Apparently I’m exactly what every woman wants but one in particular stuck out.Fiery red hair with these dimples. Her profile said she was an addict of horror movies and photography. This stuck out because my ex-wife HATED horror movies and I have an undying passion for them. Honestly, in some ways, it was the main factor in our divorce. I’m sure my horror fans understand.So, I messaged her.” One two Freddy coming for you.” Oh, I don’t think I mentioned, my name is Freddy so I thought it’d be funny, ya know, the Freddy Krueger song… Anyway, she got the joke like I knew she would and we hit it off. After a few days I got her number and a week after that we went on our first date. We had talked so much through text I was afraid we wouldn’t have anything to talk about in person so I chose to take her to a movie. They also happen to be playing Lights out which looked and was fucking amazing! As the movie progressed we slowly got more comfortable and close, especially at the part where that creepy demon woman was scratching on the floor, Jesus!It was around that time I decided to hold her hand. I just reached over and grabbed it. After a minute I look over at her to see her smiling. After returning a smile I looked back towards the movie screen. Just then a bright light flashed blinding my peripheral and causing the theater to fill with angry shouts. I looked over and she was sitting there with her phone up and took another photo of us not giving a shit about all the people yelling. She turned to me wearing the same smile from a moment ago and says, “Our first time holding hands.”Honestly, It did weird me out but I just chopped it up to, she’s just crazy, but listen, all women are crazy, it's just to what extent? You have to choose your crazy. My ex-wife would make fake social media accounts to get me to cheat on her with herself. This girl likes to take pictures, I can deal with that.The rest of the movie went fine. I purposely tried to avoid any dating milestones until it was over. I got her home and it was time to say goodnight and I thought long and hard about my next move? Do I try to kiss her? I mean, she’s gorgeous and was cool most of the night, but would our kiss just be interrupted by the flash of her camera? She stood there smiling at me and I knew what she was waiting for, that's when I looked down and noticed her phone in her hand. She was literally prepared to take this picture. I know I stood there for an abnormal amount of time but eventually I went in for a kiss and sure enough, I was blinded once again by the flash of her phone.The kiss ended, a bit flat after the interruption, and she giggled while