Episode Details

Please do not distribute :) All stories that are posted on Patreon are private and are not to be distributed with the public unless I have given permission. Thank you :)SNAKE OIL WISHES by Boo RhodesGood evening my Patreon friends. It’s Spooky Boo Rhodes here. This episode is for Patreon members only for now. I am submitting this story to my friend’s yearly anthology of horror stories written by women. It is due in May so I’m asking for any opinions on the story that you might have. Please do not openly share this with the public as it will only be mass-produced to the public when the book is released if it is accepted. When that happens I’ll let you know the details of the book if you want to buy a copy. I will not have any control on pricing and what not I think I’m not sure if I can buy author copies. If it isn’t accepted in the anthology then I’ll just publish it as a regular Sandcastle story. I don’t even have a name yet!***Let’s begin…“Doug, look. She’s a dog. Woof! She’s 49 and maybe she was a looker when you dated years ago but shit, man, you’re a good-looking guy. You know you can get someone much younger with a hotter body. Why are you even looking for a relationship? You’re 55 years old, man. You’ve been single all your life. Why ruin it now?”Arthur slapped his friend on the back while offering advice. He ran his hand through his stiff, black curly hair and then adjusted his sagging pants and pulled them up over his muffin top.Doug gave his friend a look that told him all he needed to know. “I know man. I need to lose weight but Doug, the ladies like these love handles. And it isn’t just my gorgeous physique, it’s my cars man. They love the cars! You shouldn’t hold yourself down with one woman, and if you do she better be so friggin hot that all your friends want her, too. Just like the chick I brought home last night from the casino. Wow! Now she knew how to treat a man.”“Artie, how come I never see you with any of these women you keep on bragging about more than once if ever?”“Hey, man, I ain’t bringing no chicks to our pool table. It’s for the guys only. Why get some pussy involved?”Doug facepalmed and laughed. “You might have money, and I’m not even sure how, but unless you start speaking like you passed eighth grade I’m not even sure how you’re going to find a woman to marry.”“Marry? Who are you speaking to? I’m not interested in no marriage. Gettin tied down and all tha’ shit. I want a lady who has a lot of friends to choose from and maybe more at da gym.“Speaking of the ladies, I gotta go. Lizzy’s gonna be waiting for me to get home. Gonna get some, you know what I mean?”“Yeah get out of here and next time I don’t want to hear any smack unless you bring in one of the ladies you keep bragging about.”***Upon arriving home, Arthur looked at the deserted driveway. There was no Lizzy waiting for him nor were there ever any women. He knew they wanted him because even though they all flirted with him and teased him, he could never get a second or third date with anyone. His homies, as he called them, were in awe of his fake life. Sure, he could get a date easily enough by driving his Mercedes or his huge pickup around but after the first night or second night, they never stuck around. Perhaps it was his lifestyle that kept him from a relationship or maybe it was his lack of a job. It wasn’t like he was broke. His gambling life counting cards kept him from the welfare line.Was he tired of it? No. He loved women. He loved them long enough to get what he wanted and then he was out of there. Until now, he simply couldn’t understand why his friends would fall for any of them for longer than a day. But now, as he was getting older and his friends were finding serious relationships, he was one of the only ones left alone still playing the field. He either had to keep them single or find someone to call his own or he would be alone forever.He called several friends and, after realizing they were all still asleep or cuddling