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Grief, Fatherhood, and Breaking the Silence Around Death with Matt Fogelson
Description
Death doula and funeral celebrant Jill McClennen speaks with Matt Fogelson about growing up in 1980s Manhattan, then losing his workaholic father to lung cancer when Matt was 19 and his father was 46. Matt describes carrying unspoken grief for decades, using pain to stay connected, and how family silence around dying robbed them of meaningful end-of-life conversations.
He shares how music and playing guitar became a private outlet for depression and rage, and later a bridge to his own son, helping him heal and avoid repeating emotional absence. The conversation also explores conscious living, legacy, and end-of-life planning, including the regret of devoting life to work over relationships. Matt discusses his Substack “Fine Tuning,” leaving law, and his memoir, “Fatherhood in a Different Key.”
00:00 Facing Mortality
00:16 Meet the Host and Guest
01:19 Growing Up 80s Manhattan
03:05 Life After New York
04:09 His Father’s Diagnosis
06:43 Decades of Hidden Grief
11:29 Music as a Lifeline
13:31 Denial and No Goodbye
14:57 Why We Avoid Death Talk
19:47 Childhood Grief and First Funeral
22:46 Shiva and Grief Advice
24:12 Music as Emotional Outlet
26:06 Soundgarden and Screaming
28:40 Safe Ways to Let It Out
31:07 From Lawyer to Memoirist
33:30 Cats in the Cradle Reflections
35:44 Writing in the Basement
37:03 Quitting Law and Launching
37:51 Regrets of the Dying
39:39 Family Cycles and Workaholism
43:41 Where to Find Matt
44:34 End-of-Life Planning CTA
https://mattfogelson.substack.com/
Restrung Fatherhood in a Different Key
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