Episode Details

What has initiated has been taking shape as it grounds. This is Taurus season. Full moon in Scorpio on May 1st, a lunation as when I was born 62 years ago, happy solar return to me. Living with a Scorpio moon in my 9th house has made me seek for deep truth, only to realize after a long journey, that it emanates from within.

There is a particular kind of discomfort that comes with understanding that something new is emerging from within.

My body has been recording this passage sometimes as tension in the fascia, the membrane that holds water while binding muscle and bone together.

This is a beautiful membrane that is allowing fluids and flow at the same time.

It is like a breath that wants to go deeper, as it aspires within the rib cage and then slowly releasing, making space for what is new.

This is a feeling pulled in more than one direction at the same time, but the interesting thing is that the orientations are not what matters; what matters is the flow, aware, aspiring, and exhaling.

This is a new sensation of the self that has slowly been metabolized in the last years but now starts being shaped.

Even though I do not have a final definition, I can sense it in the body; it comes here first, so the threshold is here.

The discomfort I feel is how my life is composting and metabolizing itself.

It is not discomfort in the sense of pain; there is no pain, there is no emotional pain, there is no physical pain.

It is just an adjustment that has to happen on a moment-to-moment basis.

It is productive and real, and even though I am speaking words, the resolution is not in the mind or with logic.

It is more the adaptation of this flow on a moment-to-moment basis, with the body at its center.

I will say this is a Renaissance being born again from the inside out, as I carry everything that I have learned, surrendered, and lost, while none of the definitions built around it can comprehend what is transforming. I love this French word borrowed into English somewhere in the 1800s. The Italian artists who lived it first called it “rinascita,” rebirth. And yet, it was not a return to innocence. They were returning to what had always been there: the human body, the direct study of nature and anatomy. Somehow, a return to the classical forms, but seen with new eyes.

To be born again is not from nothing but from a full weight of everything already experienced. Time is teaching me to enjoy every moment, as mysterious as I can appear to others. There have been times when I went through the process of trying to explain myself, like in my first book, The Nature of My Reality, which, when read out loud, was my own echo. I realized that the mystery of my individuation was best kept as such. I did not need to explain myself to others, but I did.

I come back to the natural posture of someone whose depth cannot be compressed into a stage format, a place of performance, nor to a category that defines and limits at the same time.

It is through the experience of knowing, not knowing, and trusting the divine that allows this persona to be sensed but not grasped, like water through the fingers, what stays is the essence of the felt sense not the density of the water, fluid, flowing, gone.

Compression of that kind multiplies confusion. What is actually present is a synthesis, and a synthesis does not fit inside any container built to hold a single discipline. The process is the emergence of an insight, a poem, a reading, a vector, a color, a shape, a moment in time. A synthesis is the process of integration that begs to be lived and not to be ingested through the mind.

The new cycle is learning to trust that: acting from discernment on a moment-to-moment basis rather than from a fixed identity, allowing the creativity to be the truth rather than the explanation of it.

Right now