Episode Details

There is a dimension of divorce that nobody warned you about — one that has nothing to do with lawyers or custody schedules or dividing furniture. It goes much deeper than any of that. Divorce goes to the heart of your identity. And when the role you built your life around — wife, partner, the person in that marriage — is suddenly gone, the question that surfaces isn't just "what do I do now?" It's "who am I without this?" In one of the most soulful and quietly transformative episodes of Divorce Happens, host Olivia Howell sits down with Lisa Lisser — divorce and life transition coach, former litigator, nonprofit leader, spiritual counselor, and holder of two master's degrees — to explore the spiritual dimension of divorce that most people only recognize in hindsight. Lisa has lived it herself, rebuilt herself from it, and now dedicates her practice to helping others do the same: move through divorce while holding onto their soul.

At the center of this conversation is one of the most powerful reframes you will hear on this show: the shift from "role model" to "soul model." Lisa explains that when we define ourselves by our roles — wife, mother, career woman — and one of those roles collapses, we collapse with it. But the soul model is different. It's the thread beneath all the roles, the one anchored in your values rather than your titles. And it is that thread, Lisa argues, that becomes your compass through divorce. She walks through how this plays out in the messiest, most emotionally volatile moments — the impulse to blast your ex on social media, the urge to say the second half of that sentence, the moment you feel like you have to choose between being fierce and being strategic. Her answer is "strategic empathy": the practice of stepping just far enough into your ex's perspective to remove yourself from the fight and redirect your energy toward the outcome you actually want. She also shares a deeply personal story — the time she donated her ex's clothes the night before his ski trip, and the lawyer meeting the next day that did not go her way — as honest, hard evidence that feeling righteous in the moment and serving your long-term interests are not always the same thing.

The most immediately usable tool Lisa offers in this episode is something borrowed from Brené Brown: the SFD, or Shitty First Draft. Write everything you want to say — every angry, hurt, furious word. Get it out. Then don't send it. The energy is released into the universe, the feelings are real and witnessed, and you haven't handed your ex a weapon. Lisa invites her own clients to send those drafts to her — because the goal is always the same: make sure you stay in control of yourself, even when nothing else feels in control. She closes with a reminder that will stay with you long after the episode ends: "If you see it, you can be it." You are not broken. You are searching for purpose and meaning — and that search, she says, is the most spiritual thing a human being can do. This episode is a hand extended across the dark. Take it.

Learn more about Lisa Lisser: https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/resourceguide/lzl-coaching

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