The Sober School with Kate Bee

Episode 71

Tribe Sober - inspiring an alcohol-free life!

This week my guest is Kate from the Sober School

About 7 years ago when I was casting about for help with my own drinking problem I stumbled upon a blog by Kate who had already been sober for a couple of years.

She was the first person I ever heard suggesting that sobriety could be fun – rather than the grey and miserable place many drinkers imagine it to be.

I now know that she was absolutely right of course so it was a real pleasure to chat to Kate about her own drinking story and the work she is doing these days.

In this Episode

When Kate looks back she realises that at University she used to drink alone in her room – even though there were numerous bars and opportunities to drink with other students!
If you enjoy drinking alone then that’s a bit of a red flag because it means that you are not using it to “socialise” – you are using it to relax or perhaps to try to calm your anxiety.
As you heard Kate cleverly gave up drinking at the tender age of 30 but for many of us the pattern seems to be that we DO use alcohol to socialise in our 20’s and 30’s and then as we get into our 40’s and 50’s it often turns more into self medication and that when we enjoy drinking alone.
Kate had been worrying about her drinking for years before she actually did anything which is not at all unusual – A recent study highlighted the fact that it takes an average of 11 years between realising that you have a bit of a “problem” and actually doing something about it. This is a shame because for many of use our dependence and our unhappiness worsen during this period.
I think it takes such a long time to tackle our drinking for two reasons:-
1. As Kate said society tells us that we are either a “normal” drinker or we are a raging alcoholic –if we are a raging alcoholic we must to go AA – if not then we are fine. We do see articles about “cutting down” which make it sound simple but of course once we’ve crossed a line with our drinking that becomes impossible. Personally I spent my 11 years of procrastination trying to “cut down” so that I wouldn’t have to quit completely!
2. Second reason we resist reaching out for help is that we don’t know where to find it. Many of us don’t want to go to AA or we try it and it doesn’t work – then we just get stuck. But times are changing and the modern recovery movement means there are many online solutions these days. Solutions which work for the millions of people who are not “raging alcoholics” but they are not “normal drinkers” either.
Kate had been sober for 8 years and back then there was very little help around. However she discovered a blog – (the blog was Unpickled by Jean McCarthy) and it resonated with her. For the first time she felt that there was someone out there “just like her” – which is exactly how I felt when I discovered Kate's blog. So it’s all about “finding your people” – that’s the first step in the journey.
Her own journey to sobriety began with a blog where she connected with others on the same path and did a 100 day challenge – she felt a “shift” after those 100 days and found herself reflecting on whether she could make sobriety enjoyable – rather than something to be “endured”.
We both agreed that doing a Dry January is too short to experience any benefits of sobriety so by gritting our teeth and getting through all we teach ourselves is that sobriety is a miserable place to be!
We discussed the value of of writing a Goodbye to Alcohol letter - you can check some out here
I loved Kate's Breakthrough story when she was organising her 30th birthday party in early sobriety. Rather than organising a big party she decided to do it completely differently. Accepting the fact that she actually didn’t like socialising in big grou

Published on 4 years, 1 month ago

Podcast Episode Details

The Sober School with Kate Bee