Episode Details

Somewhere around the teen years, a lot of alienated parents hit the same wall: the child who used to run to them now refuses to come at all. In this episode, psychologist Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst, with fifty years helping families, offers advice that's both bracing and full of hope.

She starts with a truth few say out loud: some alienation is almost unavoidable in divorce, and it tends to peak in adolescence. But she reframes the picture: your child is half the other parent, and protecting them means helping them value that half. She and Lisa get practical: why your face and body at the exchange say more than words, how to rebuild trust with a wary teen the way you'd earn a rescued animal's trust, and what to do when a teenager refuses contact. Respect it, but never disappear. Write the letters. Keep the box. Because in her experience, the children come back.

This is strategic education, not legal or mental-health advice for your specific situation.

✅ WHAT YOU'LL LEARN
✅ Why some alienation is almost unavoidable in divorce, and why it peaks in adolescence
✅ Why your child needs to value the half of them that's the other parent
✅ What your face and body communicate at the exchange (and how to check yourself)
✅ The "rescued animal" approach to rebuilding trust with a wary teen
✅ How to reframe a "strong-willed" child as a strength, not a problem
✅ What to do when a teenager flatly refuses contact
✅ Why writing letters and keeping them matters more than you think
✅ Why the children so often come back, and how to be ready

⏱️ TIMESTAMPS (+1:00 for the bumper)
0:00 Intro
1:00 Meet Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst: 50 years with families
2:48 Why some alienation is unavoidable in divorce
4:30 The attachments kids lose, and the one they cling to
6:55 Honor the other parent: your child is half of them
8:52 Reframing a "strong-willed" child as a gift
13:45 What your body says at the exchange
23:01 The "rescued animal" approach to rebuilding trust
26:24 When your teen refuses: respect it, and stay connected
31:22 Write the letters, keep the box: why kids come back
36:38 You can't do this alone
41:42 Where to find Dr. Vanderhorst

CTA (spoken): Losing your teenager to alienation? Book a free discovery call at beentheregotout.com.
Books: When Your Ex Turns the Kids Against You — https://www.amazon.com/Been-There-Got-Out-Against/dp/1967674183 · Been There Got Out — https://www.amazon.com/Been-There-Got-Relationships-Circumstances/dp/194627495X/
Tags: parental alienation, alienated parent, teenager refuses visitation, reconnecting with child, co-parenting teenager, staying connected, custody, high conflict divorce, protecting your kids