Episode Details

I have bipolar disorder. I was diagnosed in late 2012 following my one and only severe manic episode. Most psychiatrists would regard me as a resounding success case – I never even remotely come close to suicidal depression, manic delusions of grandeur, impulsive spending, or irresponsible sexual behavior. By standard measures, I am well-adjusted, functional, and successful.

Part of this relative success is adherence to appropriate medication, and another part is maintaining good insight[1] into my mental state. Years ago, I defined a personal bipolar index scale to communicate to myself and close ones my mental state.

My bipolar index ranges from -10 to +10 and is a subjective self-report. -10 would be a state of extreme suicidal depression. +10 would be extreme mania with complete loss of insight, delusions of grandeur, pressured speech, psychosis, etc. 0 is the perfectly balanced state in the middle, neither up nor down.

In the last decade and a half, I don't think I've ever broken out of the -3 to +3 range. -2 to +1 is standard, and more so between -1 to 0.5 most of the time. Really, an extreme success case by typical psychiatric standards.

Yet the disease burden [...]

The original text contained 4 footnotes which were omitted from this narration.

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First published:
April 2nd, 2026

Source:
https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/CuTeXRShovP5gDBLy/2026-the-year-of-throwing-my-agency-at-my-health-now-with

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Narrated by TYPE III AUDIO.

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