Episode Details

In this episode of The Art of Imperfect Adulting, Amy Stone speaks with Darlene Lekowski about the lifelong impact of sibling sexual trauma and the journey of letting go of secrets that shaped her adult life. Darlene lives in the Charlotte, NC suburbs with her husband, Tom, their dog Pepper, and is the proud mother of three adult children. Listeners will learn how the process of opening up allowed Darlene to move from perfectionism and hypervigilance to forgiveness, healing, and connection.

About Darlene Lekowski:

Darlene Lekowski is a speaker, author, and advocate who writes and speaks about what happens when high-functioning adults realize that control and perfection aren’t peace—they’re survival strategies. After decades of striving to “hold it all together,” Darlene was forced to confront the emotional cost of living this way and learn, imperfectly, how to let go.

Her debut memoir, Shattering Silence: A Story of Survival, Justice & the Power of Telling the Truth (April 2026), chronicles her journey of reclaiming her voice, redefining success, and choosing freedom over fear.

Main Topics Covered:

1. The effects of sibling sexual abuse and trauma on childhood and adult relationships
2. Understanding and coping with PTSD masked by perfectionism, control, and success
3. The power dynamics and family pressure that keep childhood trauma secret for decades
4. How releasing control and secrets changed Darlene’s relationships with her children and spouse
5. Navigating hypervigilance, competitiveness, and the illusion of “good adulting” as survival strategies
6. The role of therapy, supportive friendships, and alternative healing methods like EFT tapping in trauma recovery
7. The courage to confront abusers, share your story publicly, and reclaim agency—even through the stress and grief of litigation
8. Darlene’s mission to help others break the silence around sibling sexual abuse and start honest conversations with their own children

Quote from the Episode:

"The problem, when you've got a giant secret, the box leaks... I had PTSD all my life, but I actually wasn't diagnosed with it until I was 58 years old. I thought my behaviors were normal." — Darlene Lekowski

Timestamps:

00:05 Opening & intros; Darlene’s Charlotte, NC home and warmup questions

00:34 Proximity to mountains and ocean; Charlotte lifestyle and history fleeing snowy states

01:24 Amy’s perspective from the tropics; setting the scene for a conversation on control and secrets

02:10 Darlene’s midlife confrontation with trauma; timeline and context of her secret

02:47 How her mother’s death and family dynamics led to her secret surfacing

03:35 Civil trial details; trauma in court, family structure, and relationships

04:08 Childhood abuse between siblings, control issues, and survival mechanisms

07:11 Perfectionism, hypervigilance, and adult life before telling the secret

09:02 Sports, popularity, and strategies to avoid being alone at home

10:19 Parenting as an overprotective mom; shifting relationships after the truth was revealed

12:10 Direct fears, coping, and the psychological weight of secrets

14:34 How shame and trauma “leak” into all relationships—friends, colleagues, and self-image

17:23 Examples of outsize reactions; healing journey