How to Respond to Threats and Aggressive Emails During Divorce: 2 Acronyms That Can Save Your Sanity

Divorce can make even the calmest person feel like they are about to unravel.

One inflammatory text. One manipulative email. One last-minute demand from your soon-to-be ex.

And suddenly your nervous system is on fire.

In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Morgan Stogsdill and Andrea Rappaport share two simple acronyms designed to help you stop spiraling, regulate your nervous system, and decide whether a response is actually necessary.

If you are dealing with high-conflict divorce communication, threatening messages, co-parenting drama, or an ex who knows exactly how to push your buttons, this episode will give you practical tools you can use immediately.

Because when your ex is trying to bait you, your best move is not to react — it’s to get strategic.

In This Episode, We Talk About:

• how to respond to threatening emails during divorce
• what to do when your ex sends an inflammatory text
• how to stop emotional spiraling during divorce
• why your nervous system reacts so strongly to conflict
• the best way to pause before responding to your ex
• how to tell if a message actually requires a response
• when to call your divorce attorney and when not to
• how to communicate strategically in a high-conflict divorce
• why not every “urgent” message is truly urgent
• how co-parenting apps like Our Family Wizard can reduce stress

Why Divorce Communication Feels So Triggering

When you’re going through a divorce, communication with your ex is rarely neutral.

Even a simple message can feel loaded. A text about travel, money, or the kids can instantly send your brain into panic mode — especially if the wording feels aggressive, manipulative, or threatening.

Andrea explains that this is often a nervous system response. Your body reacts as though you are under attack, even if the threat is emotional rather than physical.

That is why so many people:

• fire off emotional responses
• regret what they wrote later
• feel hijacked by anxiety
• spend hours spiraling over one message

This episode teaches listeners how to interrupt that pattern before it hurts their peace — or their case.

Acronym #1: STOP

The first tool Morgan and Andrea teach is STOP, a simple framework designed to help listeners stop the immediate emotional unraveling.

S — Stop

Literally stop.

Do not react.

Do not respond.

Do not keep ruminating.

Say the word out loud if you have to:

Stop.

T — Temperature

Change your temperature to help regulate your nervous system.

Andrea explains that cold temperature can help bring your system back online.

Examples include:

• holding ice
• putting ice on your wrists
• drinking ice-cold water
• using an ice roller on your face

O — Oxygen

Breathe.

When people are triggered, they often hold their breath, tense up, and make the spiral worse.

The key is to exhale first, then let yourself breathe back in.

P — Priority

Your priority is your mental wellbeing, not firing back at your ex.

Most messages do not require an immediate response.

This is where listeners are reminded to give themselves at least an hour before doing anything.

Why You Should Never Respond in the Same Emotional State

Morgan explains that when people respond too quickly, it is often obvious to attorneys, judges, and anyone reading the email that they got bai