Episode Details

On Today’s Show

Tim kicks off the week with cult recruitment tips, disgusting dog noises, and an update on the HGTV host who accidentally invented the phrase “fart digger.” Plus: public transit freakouts, a narcissistic TikTok disaster, a karaoke rage gun incident, and a Santa’s Village owner accused of doing some very non-holiday-appropriate activities.

Today’s episode is sponsored by debut listener Mad Scientist from central Kentucky, who requested a trip down memory lane with some hilariously nonsensical Scientology testimonial videos.

Tim revisits the legendary Scientology promo/testimonial videos where members enthusiastically spout meaningless jargon about “duplication,” “cognitions,” and climbing mysterious spiritual ladders.
Tim explains why energetic cults are way more appealing than the calm, whisper-based ones.

Legendary news anchor Ernie Anastos, famous for accidentally saying “keep f**ing that chicken”* during a broadcast, has died at 82.
Tim reflects on aging, deadly pneumonia, and why minor illnesses become terrifying after 60.

Tim discovers a strange internet genre: dogs gagging and coughing while swimming because they refuse to keep their mouths closed in the water.
The noises remind him of his dad hacking up phlegm in the morning.

The saga continues for Nicole Curtis, whose home renovation show was cancelled after she accidentally said the N-word during filming.
On The Breakfast Club, she claims she meant to say things like “fart knocker” or “fart digger” instead.
Tim reviews the disastrous apology tour.

Two examples of why public transportation can be hell:

• A London subway passenger responds to being asked to quiet down by screaming nonstop for five minutes.

• In Washington D.C., a man roasts a woman’s appearance during an argument, repeatedly insulting her “man legs.”

TikTok personality Rachel Gerster continues documenting her chaotic life:

• Previously criticized welfare recipients.

• Now claims she’s too good to use food banks despite having no money for food.

• Continues insulting viewers while complaining about being broke.

A Florida man pulled a gun outside a sports bar after the karaoke machine malfunctioned.
He later pleaded guilty to aggravated assault.

In Connecticut, an ambulance dispatched for a man shot by police was diverted to transport an officer suffering a mild anxiety attack.
The wounded man had to wait another ambulance and later died.

The owner of the long-running Santa’s Workshop theme park in North Pole, NY has been arrested again.

Charges include:

• Attempted rape

• Bribing a witness

Authorities say he tried to coerce a woman seeking housing into performing sex acts and then offered money to make the complaint disappear.

Tim plays bizarre clips of enthusiastic Scientologists describing their spiritual breakthroughs using meaningless phrases like:

• “My duplication increased a million times.”

• “I’ve been winning nonstop.”

• “There are no bugs in the tech.”

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