Episode Details

Can I Moderate? Why This Question Matters More Than We Talk About

For most of my recovery journey, I held a pretty firm belief:

If you're questioning your drinking, the answer is probably abstinence.

That belief came from both lived experience, as well as observing other people who struggle with alcohol.

Personally, I never drank normally. From the very first drink, the switch flipped on—and it stayed on. I hit a hard bottom early, and after years of trying to moderate, the answer for me was clear: I could not moderate. As it turned out, for me abstinence meant freedom.

And still… Over time, something softened in me.

Not because I changed my relationship with alcohol—but because I started listening more closely to other people's experiences.

I've come to believe this: "Can I moderate?" is not a denial question. It's a developmental one.

For many people, it's the pivot point of their entire recovery journey.

Some people answer it quickly. Some answer it painfully. Some don't answer it until years—sometimes decades—later.

But skipping the question doesn't make it disappear.

And that's why my conversation with Nick Allen, CEO and co-founder of Sunnyside, felt so important.

Nick grew up in an AA household. Both of his parents are in long-term recovery. He understands abstinence deeply—and still, his own relationship with alcohol took a different path. Instead of waiting for a crisis, he began asking a quieter question early on:

What does a healthy relationship with alcohol look like for me—right now?

That question eventually became Sunnyside: a platform designed to help people explore change before things fall apart.

Here's the reality I see again and again:

Most people are offered two options:

1. Figure it out

2. Quit forever

And when those are the only choices on the table, a huge number of people choose to keep trying to figure it out.

Not because they're reckless. Not because they don't care. But because abstinence can feel overwhelming, stigmatizing, or premature—especially for people who are still functioning "well enough."

Research suggests there's often a 10-year gap between when alcohol becomes a problem and when someone seeks help.

Ten years.

Think about what happens in ten years:

• Careers strained

• Health eroded

• Relationships damaged

• Kids absorbing instability they can't name yet

Waiting is not neutral.

One thing Nick and I aligned on immediately: Willpower is a terrible long-term strategy.

Willpower is finite. It's lowest at the exact moments people need it most:

• After a long day

• During stress

• At the witching hour (5–7pm)

• On Fridays when it's "been a week"

Sunnyside takes a different approach: