Episode Details

Episode Summary:

We all need to work a little harder at resting in contentment… realizing that sometimes marriage is a spectator sport. In a culture that encourages us to find our own happiness, fulfill self, give in to what brings us pleasure, lasting relationships must take a different approach. True selflessness is a reflection of God’s character.

Although recent polls seem to indicate an equal divorce rate between Christians and non-believers, this is not exactly true. People who identify as Christians but rarely attend church have a 60% divorce rate while those who attend church regularly, just 38% have been divorced.

It is easy to get caught up in the tyranny of the urgent and forget the very ingredients that build a healthy marriage. Join me with Nina Roesner as we discuss the role of unconditional respect in a healthy marriage.

Quotables from the episode:

• Most people have heard the idea that women need love and men need respect, but in reality, don't we all need a combination of both?
• Yes. I think the Bible uses that language to communicate very specifically to husbands and wives about some very specific stuff.
• All relationships have challenges but the best ones surmount the hard times, allow these times to build the relationship instead of destroy it, and learn from one another.
• Do you respect yourself and others in your relationship through your communication? And I think we need to respect everybody and I think that's a loving thing to do. That's the key. It affects our communication and we can develop resentment, bitterness and unforgiveness over those little things that then stack up and they morph into a life of their own until one day the straw breaks and our spouses left going, "That was not a big deal. You could have just said put your cup in the dishwasher. But the truth is it's built up resentment over time because we don't communicate over the little things until they become a big thing.
• We do take things personally and it seems maybe I'm wrong but it just seems like over the past decade we're more quick to take offense over things that really don't need to be offended over all you have to do is turn to social media and see how quickly people are offended. If anyone had a right to be offended, it was Jesus. And yet he modeled for us good communication, forgiveness, love, and respect.
• The idea that men need respect is not just part of some formula but an aspect of the gender differences. Men are wired to protect and provide, and knowing they are appreciated is one of the primary ingredients in lasting marriages.
• When we get our identity from the Lord, then we're able to appreciate the strengths that God gave us and then bring forth those strengths in the relationship in a way that we weren't before. We are actually useful in that relationship in a way that deeply impacts everything. But so often we buy the lives of the culture and we go down these paths of thinking we're worthless or we're not valued and you know people treat us this way so it reinforces it or we're looking for that because if you have a belief like that you're gonna find it everywhere. But when we really have a solid identity in Christ and I don't pretend I'd be fully there, but I'm so much more there than I used to be. It doesn't matter what people say or do.
• On a biological level, God designed this so well, because your brain chemistry changes when you forgive. The other thing is, is it's a humbling activity that puts us in the proper alignment with the Lord because we don't have the right to harbor unforgiveness. We're not judge and jury over this other person, and by the way Christ already paid for that. So who do we think we are? Excuse me, the seat on the throne has been taken. get off, right? So, when we forgive, it's like the brain chemistry changes and we're able to