Episode Details

This week on Monday Matters, Will Parker and Jen Schwanke take some time to talk about the challenges and emotional burdens faced everyday by school leaders. They highlight the importance of self-reflection practices and finding hope in trying times, and emphasize the importance of keeping challenges in perspective. This post was inspired by a blog post written by Will, you can read it below. 

Every One of Them Is Worth It

The first time I ever saw a student banging his head against a locker, I was completely perplexed. Even with eleven years of teaching, I had never seen a student engage in self-harm in such a public way. This was my first year as an assistant principal. The boy had been placed in the hallway for disciplinary reasons and, for reasons unknown to me at the time, was so distraught that his way of coping with being in trouble was to hit his head over and over again against a metal locker.

Thankfully, my assistant principal partner at the time was well-trained in trauma and had a background working as a mental-health professional. She helped guide the student back to a place of calm and reason. It was an eye-opener for me. Moving out of the classroom and into an entire school setting would confront me with situations that were novel, different, and far more challenging than anything I had seen in my own classroom.

The first time I met a student with schizophrenia, I was also perplexed. He began pulling his hair out while sitting in my office and admitted to me that he could see someone sitting in a chair nearby. After consulting with his parents and getting to know him more personally, he would open up about the times he was frightened–scared of others appearing in rooms and unsure whether they were real or not.

Then there was the time a student became so upset after an argument at lunch that he slammed his head into the window frame of a door, shattering the glass and bleeding from his head. He lay on the office floor, growling and angry. When he was finally able to regain control, the residual effects of his meltdown were felt deeply by other students and staff. Even though my responsibility was to define an appropriate disciplinary response, that behavior still perplexes me to this day.

There was also a student I didn’t work with directly, but one of my assistant-principal friends did. She learned his story over time: during his traumatic early years, his father abused him by locking him in a cage throughout the day when he didn’t want to tend to him. The emotional scars from those memories made it incredibly difficult for him to cope with the everyday dramas he encountered at school. Over time, he learned better self-control–but it came from a place of deep pain.

As I think about these things today, I am sometimes amazed that educators can teach math, reading, and science–or coach sports–never knowing the underlying situations children face. Even students from well-adjusted families, or those who seem to have all the support they need, I have seen end up in facilities needing inpatient therapy because of self-harm or suicidal ideation.

The statistics around trauma for young people–especially in my own state–are pretty compelling. Psychologists use a measurement called ACEs (Adverse Childhood Experiences), and Oklahoma is among the states with high numbers of children who have experienced significant trauma. Because of that, they come to school desperately needing stability, consistency, and predictability. They need a place that holds them to high expectations while also providing high support.

A good teacher knows this. But if a teacher has a classroom with multiple students who may melt down, over-respond, or lack the coping skills needed to regulate their emotions, it can be overwhelming. Even one student with those needs can make a classroom difficult–now imagine if half or mo