Episode Details

In this episode of The Art of Imperfect Adulting, Amy Stone speaks with D'Layne Benson about navigating burnout, self-abandonment, and the transformative power of breathwork for overwhelmed women. D'Layne shares her journey from the ski resort town of Haley, Idaho, highlighting the impact of over-functioning as a nurse, the emotional toll of family demands, and the personal reckoning brought on by the COVID-19 pandemic. This conversation is packed with actionable insight on nervous system regulation, finding joy, and creating boundaries—key lessons for anyone feeling stretched too thin.

D'Layne Benson is a former nurse turned nurse coach and breathwork facilitator, devoted to helping perfectionist, people-pleasing, and overachieving women move from overwhelm to balance, joy, and self-acceptance. Based in Idaho, she draws on her own experience of burnout, family caregiving, and personal growth to support women in uncovering their patterns and building tailored strategies for healing. D'Layne offers both group breathwork classes and one-to-one coaching, specializing in trauma-informed, transformative methods for nervous system regulation.

Main Topics Covered:

1. Caring for others vs. caring for yourself: How self-abandonment develops and shows up in high-achieving women
2. The realities of burnout as a nurse in rural and pandemic-era Idaho
3. Understanding the freeze response and nervous system dysregulation beyond “fight or flight”
4. Breaking patterns of people-pleasing and perfectionism, especially at midlife
5. The intersection of personal upheaval (career, health, family illness) and hormonal changes (perimenopause)
6. How breathwork can foster insight, healing, and tangible emotional release
7. Steps for moving from overwhelm to joy: list-making, boundaries, and intentional transitions
8. The value of finding fun, building presence, and redefining achievement beyond productivity

Quote from the Episode: "I was trying to control my husband, I was trying to control my stepson, I was helicopter momming him, I was trying to control my in-laws, I was trying to control my parents. I was trying to control every aspect of life. ... While I felt the control was giving me safety, it was actually the thing that was keeping me from living a beautiful life and thriving." — D'Layne Benson

Timestamps: [00:00:06] Welcome to The Art of Imperfect Adulting; D'Layne’s Idaho mountain home

[00:01:21] Motivation and how to find the fun in tough projects

[00:02:55] List-making, overwhelm, and the power of single-task focus

[00:05:33] Life before the pandemic: nursing, family setup, and being “the rock”

[00:09:44] Family relationships: husband’s brain injuries, stepson, and self-development

[00:14:13] Everything collapsing: pandemic stress, family illness, perimenopause

[00:19:34] Why nursing and “helping” became an identity; childhood patterns of achievement and abandonment

[00:26:50] Freeze response explained: hidden anxiety in high-performing women

[00:32:11] Journey to breathwork: when self-help shifted from helping others to herself

[00:39:29] Breakthrough in breathwork: realizing control and safety patterns

[00:43:11] Explaining transformative breathwork vs. “just taking a deep breath”

[00:47:34] What life looks like now: presence, intention, and ha