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Season 3 Episode 6 — “RANTUMUS: The Internet, a Ginger NUT SACK Called Jonathan, and Zero Self-Awareness”
⚠️ Warning:
This episode contains industrial-grade ranting, weaponised opinions, and a Jonathan-Morley-shaped, ginger-nut-sack energy individual who treats the internet like a public inquiry into his feelings.
If you believe football discourse should be calm, balanced, or useful — turn back now. There is no hope for you.
In this week’s carnage:
🧠 Chapo attempts rational thought and immediately abandons it
🍷 Bomb drinks an entire bottle of wine to lift music — accidentally creates the perfect intro
📱 A Jonathan-Morley-shaped nut sack posts through pure vibes and Wi-Fi rage
🔴 Arsenal discourse reduced to “I watched the game actually” versus spreadsheets
⚽ Liverpool mentioned once and somehow Arsenal still live rent-free in everyone’s head
📊 Stats hurled like piss-filled water balloons (accuracy optional)
🗣️ “Just asking questions” deployed as a full defensive system
🪓 Tony declares the Stick of Justice should be applied to comment sections
🐼 Trossard dragged in again for reasons nobody — including Trossard — understands
🍺 Old Man in the Chair says “block him” and achieves instant inner peace
🚨 The internet once again proves access ≠ intelligence
So pour something strong, mute your mentions, and join Bomb & Chapo for the RANTUMUS EDITION — where football chat finally admits what it really is: vibes, grudges, and lads shouting into the void.
💩 P.S. This is satire. If you’re angry, it might be about you.
💩 P.P.S. Sheffield is still a shithole.
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Published on 11 hours ago