Episode Details

Co-parenting with a narcissist seems impossible. I know I’ve been there. If your husband or ex is narcissistic, here are 7 ways your he might try to undermine you and your kids, along with 7 ways to overcome it.

To find out how bad it is, see which of the 19 different emotional abuse tactics he uses. Take our free emotional abuse quiz.

The 7 Ways A Narcissist Will Undermine Co-Parenting

• Gaslighting: Narcissistic men are good at making you doubt yourself. They might say you’re overreacting when you’re not. They may say your helicopter parenting when you’re not. Be on the lookout for how he tries to undermine your self confidence.
• Using The Kids To Hurt You: A narcissistic ex may manipulate the kids to hurt you. Or they may want to go into chaos, and so they undermine the children’s medical care, extra curricular activities, or school work.
• Playing the victim: Narcissistic men might twist things to make themselves look like the victim. They may exaggerate situations to get sympathy from others and make you seem like the bad one.
• Undermining your authority: They might try to take control by making decisions without asking you. Or tell your children that you’re not smart or not a good parent.
• Using money as leverage: A narcissistic ex could use money to control you by withholding child support or making unfair demands.
• Seeking revenge: Narcissistic men may hold grudges and act out of spite.
• Lack of empathy: A narcissistic husband or ex won’t understand or care about your feelings. This will make co-parenting with a narcissistic parent really hard.

How Do Stay Sane When CO-Parenting With A Narcissistic Parent

Co-parenting with a narcissistic parent requires a strategic and mindful approach. Here are seven ways to make the process more tolerable:

1. Know Communication Won’t Help When Co-Parenting With A Narcissist

Since communication is just another way for the narcissist to manipulate us, at Betrayal Trauma Recovery we’ve learned that we can’t count on communication to resolve anything. It helps when you know that communication won’t do anything to stop him from causing chaos. Instead, use effective boundaries that don’t need to be “communicated”, like the ones we teach in The Living Free Workshop.

2. Learn About Strategic Boundaries

To learn how to set boundaries strategically, consider enrolling in The BTR.ORG Living Free Workshop.

“I’d been to so many therapists. They just kept telling me to “set boundaries”. What a joke. It never worked. But then I enrolled in The Living Free Workshop at Betrayal Trauma Recovery, and holy cow do these ladies know what they’re doing. I could tell immediately they’d been through it. And figured out safety from these dudes. Thanks so much BTR!!!”

3. Use a Parenting App when co-parenting with a narcissist

Parenting apps can help, because everything is documented. There are calendars and info banks to use to limit communication as much as possible.

4. How Do You Co Parent with a Narcissist When He Undermines Everything? Prioritize Self-Care

Taking care of your own physical and emotional well-being is crucial when co-parenting with a narcissistic parent. Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation, and seek support from friends, family, or an online support group for women.

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