When your Partner Drinks... Couples Therapist Zach Brittle
Episode 299
My guest this week is couples therapist Zach Brittle who is based in Seattle
I was able to pick his brain about that very common question we hear from some of our members –
How can I quit when my partner drinks?
In this episode:-
- Zach's drinking escalated during COVID lockdown—he felt depressed and family relationships were under strain.
- He reached that point that many of us get to – his “not this" moment as we call it in Tribe Sober
- He approached a sober friend, Dave, who became his sponsor and helped him to work the 12 steps
- He only attended a few in-person AA meetings but actually found a South African online meeting that became his home group – so he has a soft spot for us here in SA
- He quit alcohol quickly and without too much trouble, but deeper emotional recovery took much longer.
- Zach stressed the difference between quitting drinking and being sober.
- His marriage had involved heavy shared drinking and his wife had been his drinking buddy
- But after he got sober, his wife began to drink more and had her own recovery journey to tackle
- Their 15-year-old daughter also “spun out” as the family system recalibrated
- Family members are now all healthy and connected
- I loved Zach's analogy as a family being like a child mobile – hold one piece steady and the other pieces wobble – how true
- Zach had some great advice for partners struggling with a drinker who won’t change:
- Take care of yourself first — get grounded and stable.
- Build your “healthy place” and invite your partner into it.
- You can’t decide their behaviour, but you can decide what works for you.
- Early sobriety is fragile — ignore comments like “you’re boring.” Focus on your own survival.
Zach's Top Benefits of Sobriety
- Feels like an adult for the first time in his life.
- Sleep transformed — falls asleep naturally, sleeps through, wakes refreshed.
- Clear mind & emotional stability — no hedging, hiding, or dodging.
- Better marriage — calmer, more intimate, more predictable.
- Massive financial savings — used to spend ~$12k/year on bar tabs.
Advice for Anyone Struggling
- Ask yourself: “Am I ready?”
- If yes, do the work: find community, a sponsor, a meeting, a book, a mentor.
- The work isn’t quitting alcohol — it’s understanding yourself and building emotional sobriety.
Zach’s Podcast & Work
- Hosts Marriage Therapy Radio — weekly episodes with real couples.
- Has published books and has a new one coming in 2027 on relational recovery.
- Works mostly in person in Seattle but does some online work.
- Zach Brittle is his website