Episode Details

On Today's Show:

• 🎁 12 Deals of DV: Hat Day Tim kicks things off with a limited-time merch deal: get $5 off any hat at shop.distortedview.com with promo code GIVEHEAD (today only).
• 🎅 Santa, Hit Me Harder (Listener Message Bit) A very intense “letter to Santa” turns into full-blown festive BDSM roleplay. Nothing says Christmas like begging St. Nick to beat you purple.
• 🧳 Listener Sponsor: Mark’s Big Move & eBay Junk Fest DV listener Mark is moving out of the country and selling 50 years of accumulated crap on eBay – books, CDs, tech junk, vintage gadgets, even a Palm Pilot and a label printer.
• Use promo code Timmyboo for 11% off
• You also get a free creepy family photo
• Link: tinyurl.com/MarksMove (also in the show notes on distortedview.com)
• 💀 “Don’t Stick It in Crazy” – Side Chick Truck Drag Disaster Tim plays wild footage of a guy cheating with a very unstable side piece who drags him down the road with her truck after he stops calling.
• Clinging to the door at highway speed
• Broken ankle in the middle of traffic
• Tim’s advice: if you need variety, hire a professional—don’t risk your limbs on chaotic affair partners.
• 🧽 Sagittarius Shaughty vs. The Sponge (Again) Our favorite chaotic escort is back with another “sponge stuck in the no-no square” emergency room saga:
• Sponge used to block period blood during clients
• Aggressive customer hammers it deeper in
• Multiple failed attempts to fish it out at 3 a.m.
• ER visit filmed for Vlogmas 2026 Plus: body-shaming a client’s tiny equipment, refusing to do anything beyond the bare minimum, and still somehow booking more appointments.
• 🎭 Art Corner: Bruce Nauman’s “Good Boy, Bad Boy” Tim discovers 1980s performance artist Bruce Nauman and his dual-screen piece “Good Boy, Bad Boy”:
• Two actors repeating lines like “I have sex / you have sex / we have sex”
• Lines shifting from neutral to angry to exhausted
• Tim remixes it into “I like to s*** / this is piss” and declares it the perfect DV theme.
• 🚓 Police Bodycam: “You Had to Be a F*ing American”** A state trooper melts down on a driver who questioned his speeding and tailgating:
• Driver has marijuana in the car and still decides to confront the cop
• Cop snaps, cites statutes, stomps the weed container, and rants about the public
• Tim compares it to his own near-disaster with an angry cop in traffic.
• ⚡ Health Segment: Electric Rectum & Lightning Crotch From London comes the delightful diagnosis of “electric rectum” (aka Proctalgia Fugax) and “lightning bum”:
• Sudden electric shock feelings in the back door
• More common than people think, often harmless but terrifying
• Tied to pelvic floor spasms, IBS, infections, and more
• Tim dusts off the legendary Kegel Song and imagines a world where pelvic exercises save your anus.
• 🍳 Florida Man Tries to Kill Mom with a Frying Pan In peak Florida man fashion, a 53-year-old allegedly tries to murder his 82-year-old mother:
• Attacked her with a frying pan, then tried to smother her with pillows
• Claims he was overwhelmed by her early dementia and caregiving needs
• Tim (darkly) riffs on how easy it would be to discreetly kill a dementia patient—and how this guy chose the stupidest possible method.
• ☎️ Voicemails, Texts & Lord Douche Updates