Episode Details

In this profoundly moving and honest conversation, we sit down with Jeff Loving, a NICU dad, husband, and now an author, who shares the intimate and often unspoken grief experienced by fathers after pregnancy loss. Jeff walks us through the heartbreaking loss of his two sons, Davian and Jadon, the struggle to find empathy and appropriate medical care, and how these experiences ultimately led him and his wife, Cassie, to become fierce advocates for their future family. This episode is a raw look at marriage under immense stress, the importance of empathetic medical staff, and the redemptive joy of welcoming their "double rainbow" daughter, Isla Grace. Jeff also discusses his mission to help other men through their grief by writing his book, Holding Onto the Light.

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00:06

Meet Jeff Loving: Husband, NICU Dad, and Author

Jeff introduces his family, including his dog, Sage, his wife, Cassie, and their NICU "double rainbow" baby girl, Isla Grace, reflecting on five years of marriage and three pregnancies.

01:08

The Loss of Davian (First Pregnancy)

Jeff describes the initial shock and excitement of their first pregnancy, the sudden onset of symptoms at 19 weeks, and the devastating choice they faced in the hospital due to an infection: lose the baby, or risk losing both the baby and his wife.

04:55

The Cruel Disconnect of Grief

Jeff recounts the soul-crushing moment of holding his son, Davian, as his heartbeat stopped. He shares the struggle of navigating intense grief while the world—and Thanksgiving—kept moving around them.

07:58

Finding Support: The Power of Presence

The discussion turns to how his family supported them by simply being present, rather than offering platitudes like "it's God's plan." The importance of showing up for grieving parents is highlighted.

11:21

Empathetic vs. Detached Care

Jeff praises the nurses who were a "calming presence in the chaos" and later attended Davian's service. Conversely, he shares a painful anecdote about a male doctor's detached and jovial demeanor, asking if he wanted to cut the cord after the loss.

15:51

What Compassion Looks Like in Care

Jeff shares what he wished the doctor had said: "I know this is very hard... just know that my heart breaks for you, and I'm so sorry that you guys are going through this." This is a vital lesson for medical professionals.

16:55

Marriage Under Stress

After moving to North Carolina for a fresh start, Jeff discusses how the loss put their marriage under extreme stress—it would either break them or bond them deeper. They emerged stronger.

23:13

The Loss of Jadon (The Second Pregnancy)

The traumatic situation repeats almost day-for-day with their second son, Jadon. Jeff details the medical system's failure to provide a cerclage procedure, despite repeated requests, and the resulting emergency.

26:45

The Audacity of Poor Communication

Jeff recounts being livid when the doctor who denied them the preventive cerclage entered the room without him present to tell his wife they were losing their baby, and then left without speaking to Jeff.

34:20

The Blessing of Angel the Bereavement Coordinator

Jeff shares the incredible support they received from their bereavement coordinator, Angel, who handled every detail from handprints to selecting clothes, even providing a moment of much-needed humor when she accidentally gave Jadon a hil