Episode Details
Back to EpisodesWhen Approval Becomes Addition: The Cost Of Praise #44
Description
It all started with a gold star. A single shining sticker on a kindergarten chart that—without me realizing it—began rewiring my understanding of love, worth, and motivation. In this episode of The Whole Parent Podcast, we dive into the hidden cost of praise—why “good job” might be doing more harm than good, and how something as innocent as a sticker chart can turn play into performance.
Drawing on groundbreaking research from psychologists like Edward Deci and Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, I unravel how extrinsic rewards shift our kids’ focus from curiosity to compliance…and why this shift often leaves adults feeling hollow, disconnected, and trapped in perfection.
Through personal stories and parenting insights (including an unforgettable block tower moment with my son), we explore what happens when we stop praising kids for performing and start truly seeing them instead. If you've ever wondered whether we’re raising children who chase approval instead of wonder, this episode is for you.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why praise can undermine confidence and creativity
- The difference between being seen and being evaluated
- How to encourage intrinsic motivation in your kids—and yourself
- A new language of love that sounds nothing like “good job”
Let’s trade gold stars for presence—and rediscover the quiet magic of being enough, just as we are.
If parenting has felt hard lately… you don’t have to figure it out alone.
Inside The Parent Lab, I’ll help you understand what’s actually going on underneath your child’s behavior — and give you simple, in-the-moment tools that actually work in real life.
You’ll get access to my full course library, live coaching calls with me, practical workshops, and our 21-Day Sibling Challenge designed to help reduce the fighting and build better relationships between your kids.
If you want support, tools, and a clear plan instead of just guessing your way through parenting… come join us inside The Parent Lab.
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- Get Jon’s Book Punishment-Free Parenting
- Preorder Jon’s Children’s Book Set My Feelings Free
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