Episode Details

The message sat unread in a Facebook folder for two months. It said, roughly, that they could tell she was a good person, that they held nothing against her, and that if she had questions about the man she was seeing, she should call. Eventually she did.

Deana and Lizzie were married to the same man, Deana for twenty-seven years and Lizzie for six after her. They met when Deana's son asked his mother to call the woman who was leaving his father, because she was going to need to understand what she had been living with. That call turned into hours, then into a friendship, and eventually into the Surviving Toxic Relationships podcast, which they have now hosted together for roughly two years alongside a YouTube channel and a private group for women who do not want to be public about any of it.

In this episode they retrace the whole sequence. What Lizzie was told about the ex-wife, and how much of it was true enough to believe. The accounts that started locking her out. The retreat he went on to work on the marriage, and the week she packed. The cards she found in a drawer that turned out to be from a third woman, and what the dates on them proved. Finding that woman, and the phone call where a red coat, a motorcycle, and a gift from a trip he supposedly took alone all stopped adding up.

They also talk about the parts that outlast the marriage. Credit ruined without her knowing, a retirement account drained while his sat untouched, being denied a studio apartment with nowhere to go. Why they never held it against the woman who came next, and why they think an ex-wife who reaches out is worth hearing. Lizzie explains why she now aims her teaching at people who are not in an abusive relationship at all, and tells the story of the friend who told her she had found a place to live, and was killed by her husband that night. Deana closes on what she left nine times before she left for good, and what the years after actually felt like.

As always, this is strategic education, not legal or mental-health advice for your specific situation.

🎓 What you'll learn

• Why warning your ex's next partner so often goes wrong, and when it is still worth doing
• How admitting to a smaller wrong can make someone seem more trustworthy, not less
• The gaps that gave it away: dates on cards, a trip taken alone, a coat that was not a gift
• What financial abuse looks like in a second marriage: credit, retirement, a denied lease
• An annulment for fraud, and how fast a restraining order can follow
• Why neither of them ever blamed the woman who came next
• What real accountability looks like, and what it looks like when it only lasts until they have you back
• Why educating people who are not in it may matter as much as reaching people who are

⏱️ Chapters
0:00 Intro
1:00 Two women, the same husband, and the friendship after
3:00 The warning Deana decided not to give
5:00 What Lizzie was told about the ex-wife, and how she got out
9:00 Cards in a drawer, and a third woman nobody knew about
12:00 Finding her, and the phone call that unravelled it
18:00 Credit, retirement, and being denied a place to live
21:00 The annulment for fraud, and what happened with wife four
24:00 Why admitting fault made him seem more trustworthy
29:00 Why they never blamed the woman who came next
33:00 The podcast, the matadora, and teaching people not in it
45:00 Not knowing it was abuse, and what healing actually feels like

Keep going 💜
Book a free 30-minute discovery call and we'll help you map your next steps: https://beentheregotout.com/call
📘 Been There Got Out: Toxic Relationships, High-Conflict Divorce, and How to Stay Sane Under Insane Circumstances — https://www.amazon.com/dp/194627495X
📘 Been There Got Out: When Your Ex Turns the Kids Against You (our par