Episode Details

If you're a wife who loves God and loves your husband, but you're wondering…

• Why don't I want sex?

• Why does my husband want it more than I do?

• Am I broken for not desiring intimacy?

…you're in the right place.

We want to remind you that you are not broken. You're not alone. And God isn't disappointed in you.

In this conversation, we sit down with the incredible Dr. Juli Slattery—clinical psychologist, author of 14 books, and founder of Authentic Intimacy—to talk about real struggles Christian wives face around intimacy, low desire, and how to walk toward healing with God's help.

This is one of the most common issues I hear from women: "My husband wants it more. I feel bad. I don't know why I don't want it. Help."

Dr. Slattery shares that many wives don't have a lower drive—just a different kind. Men typically have what's called an initiating drive, while women often have a responsive drive. That means she doesn't feel desire until after closeness begins. That's normal!

But sometimes, low desire is more complex. Some deeper causes may include:

• Past sexual trauma (even from within marriage)

• Body image issues and insecurity

• Pain during sex or hormonal changes (like menopause)

• A lack of emotional safety or unresolved conflict

• Shame from upbringing or purity culture

• Misunderstandings about what sex is really for

Often, it's not one thing—it's several.

That's why this isn't a quick fix. It's a journey of healing and understanding. And most importantly—it's not your fault.

We often assume a great sex life just means "compatibility." But as Juli beautifully shared: "Great sex isn't about compatibility. It's about growing in unselfish love."

And that's biblical.

God designed marriage and sexual intimacy to reflect His covenant love: faithful, intimate, sacrificial, and joy-filled. When we chase after that picture—His heart for sex—it brings healing, safety, and even delight.

Here are the 4 pillars of covenant sex that Juli teaches: