Episode Details

Do you actually remember it, or did you build it? Every memory is based on a true story, and the gap between those two things ends most arguments.

We store fragments and then construct the rest. We are terrible listeners and brilliant at waiting for our turn. A woman of ninety could not remember what she had for dinner but could tell you about decades ago. It protects you, which is why you never drink the thing that made you ill at fifteen. So stop arguing that you remember it exactly. Your conversations get softer.

One thing to try: Next time you are certain about what was said, allow that you built some of it.

In this episode

• (0:04) Based on a true story, and what that phrase really means
• (2:40) Being a typical seventeen year old, and not treating her well
• (4:40) That is Claire, and she knows who she is
• (7:30) We store fragments and build the memory from them
• (9:29) Ninety something, and remembering decades but not dinner
• (11:40) Why you never drink that again after being ill at fifteen
• (14:25) Stop arguing that you remember it exactly
• (16:26) The softness that arrives once you stop needing to prove it

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Thank you for listening.

Steven

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