Season 1 Episode 4
Trigger warning: This episode involves a discussion of sensitive subjects like sexual abuse and trauma, in addition to female menstruation and body image wounds.
Growing up as a "tomboyish" girl in Pakistan who never quite fit traditional feminine expectations, Maryam eventually developed gender dysphoria alongside same-sex attraction—all while trying to remain faithful to her Islamic beliefs.
Maryam takes us through the complex factors that contributed to her gender struggles: early sexualization despite modest dress, cultural pressure to conform to narrow definitions of womanhood, and complicated family dynamics. With remarkable vulnerability, she shares how her relationship with her female body, particularly menstruation, transformed from shame to sacred connection when she discovered the linguistic relationship between "Rahm" (womb) and Allah's attributes of mercy.
What makes Maryam's story so powerful is that her healing didn't come from forcing change or focusing obsessively on eliminating unwanted feelings. Instead, it came through complete surrender to Allah when nothing else was working: "I will get out of my own way," she decided, opening herself to approaches she had previously dismissed. The transformation that followed surprised even her—not just in alleviating gender dysphoria but in helping her genuinely embrace her femininity.
Today, Maryam describes herself as "a very feminine woman" whose SSA and gender dysphoria no longer define her existence. Yet she's quick to emphasize that this shouldn't be everyone's benchmark for healing: "Being better means being actually content and happy, having good mental health," not necessarily eliminating all challenging feelings. Maryam's story illuminates how spiritual growth, psychological healing, and cultural understanding can work together to create authentic paths forward for Muslims experiencing gender and sexuality struggles.
Resources mentioned in the episode:
- A Way Beyond the Rainbow episodes on understanding and healing sexual abuse (part I and part II)
- A Way Beyond the Rainbow episodes on marital intimacy and sex with Dr. Rana Khaled (part I and part II)
- Women of Desire: A Guide to Passionate Love and Sexual Compatibility by Habeeb Akande
- Maryam's contact information: mohsinmaryam1993(AT)gmail.com
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Background music for most podcast episodes: "Pandemia" by MaxKoMusic (Creative Commons CC BY-SA 3.0)
Published on 3 days, 14 hours ago
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