Episode Details

On Today’s Show:

• Alexis K. Tyler Claps Back: The queen of sexual wisdom tears into a critic with nipple-pulling, grease-rubbing fury.

• Musical Money Shots: A California music teacher accused of coating kids’ flutes with semen. (Yes, the instruments. Yes, the children played them.)

• Slip-Dick Legislation: Texas lawmakers try to ban your husband’s penis from accidentally “slipping” into the wrong hole. Sodomy laws meet laugh tracks.

• Bathroom AC Unit of Doom: Tim’s DIY air conditioning setup may cool him down—or electrocute him mid-shower.

• Clown Wars: Meet Lil Lunchbox, a positivity-spouting, slam-poetry clown who got into a brawl over butchering Linkin Park karaoke.

• Florida Woman Rage: A 65-year-old hurls glass bowls and slices up a boyfriend’s body pillow during post-wine intimacy.

• Head Trauma Girl: After a car accident, an 8-year-old can only communicate through fart-related vocabulary. (“I farted.”)

• French Gooner on a Train: Woman films a 75-minute public masturbation session, only to risk facing harsher penalties than the jerker himself.

• The Dildo Diaries and Texas’ absurd “six-dildo limit”

• “Constructive touching” explained in the worst way possible

• Dr. Leonard’s catalog massagers (a.k.a. grandma’s vibrators)

• Voicemails about foreskin bragging rights, cheese buildup, and the Church of Debra

Plus:

• The Dildo Diaries and Texas’ absurd “six-dildo limit”

• “Constructive touching” explained in the worst way possible

• Dr. Leonard’s catalog massagers (a.k.a. grandma’s vibrators)

• Voicemails about foreskin bragging rights, cheese buildup, and the Church of Debra