Episode Details

In this episode, I interview my longtime friend Alex and his husband Parker, a married gay couple navigating life after Mormonism. Alex went on a mission, got sick, went through correction therapy, and came home thinking he was "healed." Parker attended BYU while they secretly dated for four years before publicly coming out when they got engaged. We talk about their different experiences growing up Mormon, how they define identity versus learned behavior, and how they've reframed their relationship with God from black-and-white rules to something much more loving, compassionate, and hippie-ish.

They share their journey toward having a baby through gestational surrogacy, including the heartbreak of their first miscarriage and the joy of their baby boy coming in September. We discuss what makes a "traditional family" and why love is really all that matters. Parker emphasizes that if a decision brings you happiness and you're being loving and kind, that's what God wants. Alex talks about learning to love his identity after years of trying to change it. Their final advice: live and let live, stop being critical, and let people make their own decisions even if you don't agree.

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Takeaways:

Parker and Alex have been together for over 10 years, navigating their relationship in a conservative environment.

Coming out experiences can vary greatly, with some being forced and others being more secure and self-driven.

Identity is a complex interplay of innate traits and learned behaviors, with love being a core component.

The couple emphasizes the importance of love and support in raising children, regardless of traditional family structures.

They believe that societal norms often complicate the understanding of family and identity.

Alex's journey involved significant challenges, including correction therapy and navigating his faith.

They stress the importance of empathy and understanding in discussions about non-traditional families.

Parenthood is a journey that requires preparation, love, and support from the community.

Ultimately, they advocate for living and letting live, encouraging acceptance and kindness. 

Chapters:

00:00 Introduction and Background of the Guests

03:04 Navigating Relationships and Coming Out

06:19 Identity and Self-Discovery

12:26 The Role of Religion and God in Identity

18:01 Support Systems and Family Dynamics

27:05 Exploring Beliefs and Spirituality

36:49 Exciting News: Welcoming a New Life

40:19 The Journey to Parenthood

43:44 Challenging Traditional Family Norms

57:25 The Essence of Love and Family Dynamics