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Ep 116 Why Part of You Still Wants to Go Back to AA — Grieving AA 3: Bargaining
Episode 116
Bargaining is a normal stage of grief — but when you’ve left AA, it can keep you stuck.
Maybe you’ve told yourself, “It wasn’t that bad,” “I can just take the good and leave the rest,” or “Maybe I was the problem.”
In this episode, I break down how AA culture trains us to bargain with harm, avoid the full truth, and even spiritualize abuse. I share real examples from my 10 years in AA, how I recognized my own bargaining, and how you can start unpacking it.
📌 Inside this video:
- What bargaining looks like after leaving AA
- How “take the good, leave the rest” keeps the programming alive
- Spiritual bypassing and blame-shifting
- Real-life examples from my time in AA
- Journaling prompts to help you unpack it
📝 Journaling Prompts:
- What part of you still wants to believe AA wasn’t that bad?
- What are you afraid might happen if you admit the harm?
- Have you told yourself you can “just take the good” even when you know the harm runs deeper?
- What would it mean to fully face the truth about AA for you?
- In what ways have you internalized the blame for what happened in AA?
- Have you avoided unpacking your experience because you feel you “should be over it”?
- What spiritual lessons (if any) are you using to justify your pain or your AA experience?
- What do you gain by holding on to parts of AA — and what might it be costing you?
Timestamps:
00:00 Doubting your decision to leave AA intro
07:17 Journaling prompts
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Published on 4 months, 1 week ago