Podcast Episode Details

Using Your Brain to Build and Sustain Effective Relationships

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Season 1 Episode 9

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Welcome back to the “Neuroscience Meets SEL Podcast” this is Andrea Samadi. As a recap, in our first episode, we shared with you the “Why behind implementing an SEL/emotional intelligence training program in your school or workplace.” The second episode we introduced the first of six social and emotional learning competencies that we will be diving deep into over the next six weeks. (Self-awareness, Social Awareness, Relationships, Responsible Decision-Making, Self-Regulation and Mental Mindset). With each competency, we’ll investigate the best practices and strategies that educators/and the workplace can use for themselves to develop and improve their own SEL/Emotional Intelligence and well-being practice, before extending these strategies to their districts, schools, classrooms, workplaces and communities. We’ll offer ideas, tools and resources (in the show notes section)—be sure to take a look at the resources, so that anyone can apply these skills themselves, and then teach others for improved results, focus and productivity.

Today we are going to dive deep into the relationship competency. We did cover this topic in an interview with Assistant Superintendent of Schools from Chicago, and author of the book, Significant 72: Unleashing the Power of Relationships in Today’s Schools, Greg Wolcott. Be sure to see episode 8 with Greg, to learn more about the research behind relationship building and academic achievement.

In addition to schools, relationship building is proving to be the key to success and well-being and the attribute that ties all the pieces in your life together. Dr. Daniel Siegel, a clinical professor of psychiatry at the UCLA School of Medicine and Executive Director of the Mindsight Institute, proposes in his book “The Developing Mind” that “relationships represented the three aspects of one reality essential to human well-being”[1] (he calls these the 3 Rs, relationships, reflection and resilience) and that “human connections shape neural connections, and each contributes to (developing the) mind.”[2] He explains that “we need to teach more in schools than just reading, writing and arithmetic. We should have reflection, relationships and resilience as the 3 Rs.”[3]

Let’s Dive Deeper into Understanding Communication, Relationships and Your Brain:

If you want to strengthen your relationship with another person, relate to them better, and have them relate to or understand you better, you must remain “relaxed, observant, and nonjudgmental.” Otherwise, the person that you are interacting with will “feel and connect to your inner stress, causing their brain to assume a defensive stance”[i] and they won’t trust you. Having the ability to “watch a person’s face, their gestures, and their tone of voice”[4] will cause their brain to align with yours, forming a process called “neural resonance” that allows the closest connection between what two people are thinking and feeling.

Here are Five Ways to Train Your Brain to Connect to Others Mindfully

Remember to observe others mindfully. Before you engage with someone else, always take time to connect this person at the deepest level possible. If you notice facial expressions or body language, ask questions like “how are things going today?” to connect with them and learn more about what could be happening in their world. Always interact with others in a fair and kind manner. Listen to others without judgement and demonstrate that they matter to you by leaning towards them when they speak and then be sure your body language and facial expression matches what you want to convey, in a supportive manner. Show them that you are actually listening. Bring warmth to the tone of your voice with every person you interact with. “If you drop the pitch of your voice, you’ll automatically talk more slowly, allowing the listener

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Published on 6 years, 4 months ago