Episode Details

Many women desperately want to know, “Can my husband change?” The short answer is yes. The long answer is, it’s extremely complicated. If you’re interested in observing from a place of emotional safety to see if this will happen, you’ll need strategies to keep you emotionally safe.

If you need help understanding if your husband is changing, learn about Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group Support Sessions.

We understand the deep desire to have a peaceful home. Anne shares that once you’ve established emotional safety, here are the 9 signs to watch for to see if your husband is changing.

9 Signs Your Husband Can Change

If you’re looking for signs your husband can change, this is what you’d be looking for. Without any prompting from you, a therapist, or anyone else, has your husband

1. Acknowledged his lies and manipulation?
2. Admitted all of it was a choice he made. And that he made that wrong choice over and over?
3. Explained all the ways he used false justifications?
4. Stopped denying and minimizing?
5. Shown empathy naturally, without being taught by a therapist, prompted, or reading a script?
6. Proven through his actions and words that your needs are equal to his?
7. Begun making a living amends for all the damage he’s caused, and he continues to make amends for years. He continually brings up the damage he’s caused to you, asks about how you’re feeling and what he can do for you. Then he follows through and does what you ask. It’s something he brings up often?
8. Accepted the consequences of his behavior?
9. Given up his exploitative privilege?

9 Signs Your Husband Isn’t Changing, He…

1. Criticizes you for considering him capable of behaving abusively (even though he has been abusive).
2. Reminds you about the bad things he would have done in the past, but isn’t doing any more, which amounts to threatening you.
3. Tells you that you’re taking too long to make up your mind. And that he “can’t” wait forever. Which amounts a threat. Which is coercion.
4. Blames his behavior, the situation or his choices on you, even in the most subtle way.
5. Says “I’m changing” to get you to do something you feel uncomfortable about.
6. Claims he can only change if you change too.
7. Whines that you need to help him change by giving him emotional support. Or anything else that makes his non-abusiveness dependent on you.
8. Criticizes you for not realizing how much he’s changed.
9. Condemns you if you doubt the change will last.

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