Episode Details

If you’re wondering, “How do I know if my husband is abusive?” You’re not alone. Hearing the stories of other women can help you know what to do next. Coach Jo is a Betrayal Trauma Recovery Coach who had to ask herself that question in two different marriages.

If you relate with her experience learn about Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group Sessions here.

Your Husband Is Abusive If His Exploitative Materials Use = Coercion

Women have the right to information about their partner’s behaviors before choosing to be intimately involved and committed to him. A man is not giving his partner the ability to make informed consent if he withholds information about exploitative materials use.

This is called coercion and it is abusive.

An appropriate conversation would include her partner disclosing the full truth his use and other behaviors prior to intimate contact.

Often, women find that they are in a relationship for several months or years with a user before discovering his secret behaviors.

He’s Abusive If He’s Using Psychological Control Tactics

Gaslighting, lying, and manipulation are all psychologically abusive tactics. Psychological abuse differs from emotional abuse in that it is intended to make the victim question her own reality.

Often, psychological abusers will take the stance that they “didn’t do it intentionally” or that it “wasn’t calculated.” Perhaps they didn’t intend for their partner to become so depressed from their abuse that she fantasizes about suicide every day…. or perhaps they didn’t intend for their partner to become so unsure of her reality that she truly wonders if she is insane… but they were intentionally choosing to protect their acting-out behaviors by not being honest and forthright.

Every abuser is completely accountable for their every word and action. The consequences on victims can be overwhelmingly tragic and abusers must face the reality that even if it wasn’t “calculated”, it was still intentional.

Exploitative Material Use is Emotionally Abusive

Betrayed women suffer from Betrayal Trauma. Betrayal Trauma is a symptom of abuse, not addiction. Betrayal in and of itself is emotionally abusive. It creates feelings of immense anguish, rejection, terror, and grief. At