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Redneck Vampires Are Rising Up In The South
Description
On the Show Today:
🚨 Masturbators on every corner! Tim's Citizen app is blowing up with indecent exposures, naked CVS dancers, and mid-intersection jack-offs. It’s like Pokémon Go, but for perverts.
👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 He wanted a Labubu plush. She wanted it up her butt. A beautifully stupid incest porn negotiation unfolds—truly the most disturbing Pokémon trade ever.
🦇 Redneck vampires rise! A Hello Kitty-wearing TikTok granny claims her toothless husband is kin to the Twilight clan. Yes, there’s bloodlust—and dentures.
📸 Caught with your pants down? A man sues Google after Street View exposes his bare ass to the world. Spoiler: He wins big.
đź‘– Sydney Sweeney is under fire for an American Eagle jeans ad. Tim investigates: eugenics or just good denim marketing? The real crime might be her whispery, NPR voiceover.
🇫🇮 Sponsored by Satan’s Porthole! Tim attempts to roast Finland and nearly dies trying to pronounce their language. National dish? Reindeer. National pastime? Saunas and sorrow.
Also:
A testosterone-fueled parking lot meltdown ends in bollard carnage and shattered dreams.
A listener loses trust in Siri, gets anime recs, and nearly calls their boss instead of the voicemail line.
Meade Skelton claims he's not deformed—just flabby in all the wrong places (and proud of it).
🎧 Sponsor: Big thanks to DV listener Satan's Porthole for supporting today’s show and requesting a roast of Finland. This one’s for you and your sauna-loving, reindeer-eating compatriots.
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