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It's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me
Description
Welcome back to the "Dynamics of Everyday Life"! This week, I dig into those challenging moments when we start to question ourselves, second-guess our decisions, or even wonder if we’re “the problem” in tricky situations. Inspired in part by the famous Taylor Swift lyric, I explore how we can find ourselves carrying feelings or responsibilities that aren’t actually ours—often without realising it.
00:01:39 – Giving Away Your Power
- Explains the concept of giving away your power and introduces projective identification—a defense mechanism at play in these dynamics.
00:02:24 – What is Projective Identification?
- Recap of projective identification: splitting off unwanted feelings (guilt, anger, shame, incompetence) and “pushing” them onto others.
- Two possible outcomes: either refusing to take it on, or internalizing those projected feelings.
00:03:45 – Impact of Projective Identification
- How it blurs boundaries, fosters doubt, and makes us feel like the bad guy without clear reason.
00:04:37 – How to Spot It
- Key signs: sudden, disproportionate emotions after interactions; second-guessing behavior you’re usually comfortable with; feeling unduly responsible for someone else’s state.
- Emphasis on checking if these feelings follow certain conversations or are truly your own.
00:05:40 – What to Do About It
- Pause and question: Is this feeling really yours?
- Don’t immediately throw projected feelings back at the other person—contain and examine them first.
- If possible, name it for what it is: often, “this could be someone else’s stuff, not mine.”
00:06:42 – Getting Support & Invitations
- When it’s difficult to untangle alone, check in with a supportive friend or confidante who’ll be honest with you.
- Recognizes sometimes it’s “your stuff, their stuff, or a mix of both.”
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The Dynamics of Everyday Life explores the psychological patterns shaping how we think, work and relate to others; bringing psychodynamic thinking into coaching, leadership and everyday life.
If you're a coach interested in learning more about psychodynamic approaches to coaching, you can explore Julia's training programmes on her website.
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