Episode Details

Spring time is here, and the landscape is green with new growth. Ironically, my wife told me that by the spring of each school year, she has decided that our marriage is falling apart, our kids all need counseling, and we have chosen to the wrong places to live, work, etc.  

In other words, she has finally realized that this time of school year is often the most stressful time. Thankfully, by summer break, life seems more balanced again.

This may be no surprise for you. Right now, you may be busy with testing, sports, activities, and planning for assemblies or graduations this time of year. Along with stress, we often see an increase in conflicts, and even with conflicts among our teachers, parents, or other community members.

Last week, Jen Schwanke, and I hosted an episode dedicated to managing difficult conversations with adults. You can check out that post HERE. This week, we recorded a follow-up episode to talk more about this important part of your job.

10 Reflections for Managing Adult Conflict

Whether you are managing conflicts with parents, teachers, or other adults, here are some thoughts to keep in mind:

1. Recognize your own bias.
Believe it or not, sometimes you don’t clearly see a conflict because of your own biases. This may be the way you perceive others or even behaviors or words that “set you off” in conversations. You may unknowingly have “favorites” among your staff, and this can also make it difficult to stay objective. Recognize these realities, and then approach each conflict with an openness toward understanding and finding solutions.

2. Be open to listening (on your timeline when possible).
People want to know they are understood. So the first step to resolving conflict is validating the need for others to be heard. This doesn’t mean, however, that you cannot set boundaries. On the contrary, you want to invite people to talk when it can be most productive and with limits on time. This creates a sense of control for all involved.

3. When meeting in person, be aware of body language.
Don’t cross your arms or clench your fists. Keep an open posture and engage with good eye-to-eye contact. These small gestures go a long way in assuring the other person that you are open to listening and don’t feel threatened by their conversation. Of course, if you have a person who is escalating or becoming aggressive, you want to set the ground rules for a good conversation and have back up plans for those especially tricky scenarios.

4. Think about the physical environment.
Your office should be a professional setting where others feel welcome and respect that you are someone demonstrating competence, not chaos. Most people don’t like “going to the principal’s office,” so keep that in mind so that yours is a welcoming place. Others should feel like a guest, not an intruder, when meeting with you.

5. Don’t let your ego get in the way.
The goal in conflict resolution is finding solutions, not being right or wrong. Don’t let your pride become a stumbling block for active listening and service to others.