Episode Details

In Episode 085 (https://www.managingacareer.com/85), I covered techniques to build confidence. This week I'd like to talk about how you can use the words you say to project that confidence to those around you.

When you speak with others, in order to project confidence, you should pay attention to the negative qualifiers that you use when stating your ideas. Those negative qualifiers typically fall into five categories.

• They can undermine your ideas such as "I think".
• They can undermine your self such as "Sorry" or "I could be wrong, but…".
• They can undermine your audience such as finishing with "Does that make sense?"
• They can undermine your intelligence such as "I have a doubt"
• They can make you seem uncommitted such as "I'll try"

When you use phrases such as "I think", you weaken your message. Instead, just drop the qualifier and state your idea clearly. You are a professional and paid to be an expert in your field; own your ideas. Consider these phrasing pairs:

• I think we should explore the new technology. OR…
• The new technology is the best course of action.

The first option comes across as a suggestion looking for someone else to take the lead. The second option conveys the same message but gives little room for doubt that your idea is the one to follow.

When you make statements that diminish your self, you leave room for others to be the dominant voice in the room. I'm not suggesting that you be loud or vocally bullying, but if your goal is to be seen as a confident leader, you should be one of the more dominant voices in the room. Consider these phrasing pairs:

• I could be wrong, but our customers are looking for us to deliver this feature. OR…
• My perspective is that the new feature will drive additional customer upgrades.

The first option lacks certainty. The second option doesn't apologize for your thoughts and presents a better case for why the team should proceed in the direction you suggest.

It can be very off-putting when someone questions your intelligence. Using phrases that undermine your audience will have them deciding to support ideas from others. In order to gain their support you should avoid phrases such as