Episode Details

Sometimes our friends' behaviour can offend us; sometimes we can see changes they need to make – but how do we tell them? Are there any ways to make difficult conversations easier?

有时朋友的行为会冒犯我们； 有时我们可以看到他们需要做出的改变——但我们如何告诉他们呢？ 有什么方法可以让困难的对话变得更容易吗？

It's important to have solid evidence that there is indeed a problem. Evidence that can be agreed upon makes it easier for other people to recognise issues. Once you have proof, it's important to highlight how it impacts us and others. Psychologist Andrea Bonior suggests framing problems with 'I'. Saying 'I feel hurt that you spend less time with me' is less accusatory than 'You never spend time with me!' and is focused more clearly on the impact.

拥有确凿的证据证明确实存在问题非常重要。 可以达成一致的证据可以让其他人更容易认识到问题。 一旦你有了证据，重要的是要强调它如何影响我们和其他人。 心理学家安德里亚·博尼奥尔（Andrea Bonior）建议用“我”来界定问题。 说“你花更少的时间陪我，我感到很受伤”，比说“你从来不花时间陪我！”更不那么具有指责性。 并更明确地关注其影响。

Staying calm is vital. Becoming tense might lead you to react badly and cause an argument. Bonior recommends that you should acknowledge the conversation could make you anxious. If you think about this yourself, it can help you focus on positive results. If you admit your anxiety to your friend, you will show a more human side. Another psychologist, Laura Brennan, points out how it's important that we let go of our ego and don't focus on the need to be proved right. This can help reduce tension. 

保持冷静至关重要。 变得紧张可能