Episode Details

Have you caught yourself thinking, my husband is ignoring me and feeling that knot in your stomach when the silence drags on?

You’re not making it up. Silence can be its own form of punishment, leaving you anxious, second-guessing, and desperate to fix things. In today’s episode, Mary shares how her husband used ignoring as a weapon, vanishing for weeks, shutting her out after their honeymoon, and withholding attention to stay in control.

If you’ve felt the sting of silence, this conversation will help you see what’s really going on.To see what types of emotional abuse you also experienced, take our free emotional abuse quiz.

3 Reasons Why Trying To Connect With Your Husband If He’s Ignoring You Doesn’t Work

1. Silence isn’t a misunderstanding. It’s a tactic.

When he withholds attention, it’s not an accident. Ignoring someone is often used to punish or control someone.

2. vulnerability gives him new tools to use against you.

If advise you to open up more to him to try to get him to talk, that’s going to put you in more emotional danger.

3. your connection can’t solve his accountability problem.

No amount of extra effort, patience, tenderness on your part is going to solve his accountability problem. There’s nothing you can do to undo the choices he’s making. If he’s ignoring you, that’s entirely his problem.

At BTR, we know how long, lonely, and painful the road to healing can be. Don’t travel this road alone. Attend a Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group Session TODAY.

Transcript: My Husband is Ignoring Me

Anne: I have a member of our community on today’s episode. We’re gonna call her Mary. A large part of her story is that her husband ignored her, and I know a lot of you are dealing with that. A lot of times we feel like we need to repair something. If someone ignores us because they’re upset with us. Here’s a part of Mary’s story, and you’ll hear the context of what happened around this a bit later.

Mary: I thought, why is my husband ignoring me? I didn’t know what was going on, and I spent the whole time crying in another room. Thinking, this is tragic. I thought our marriage would be something kind and loving, but it wasn’t.

Anne: So Mary, I’m so sorry that ignoring you was such a big part of your story. Welcome.

Mary: Hi, Thanks for having me.

Anne: I’m so honored and grateful that you would share your story. So let’s start at the beginning.

Mary: I met my now ex-husband of 10 years at church. He was so godly. He was very exciting, had amazing stories. And he had this great contagious laugh. He was great around people, or so I thought.He is just checking all the boxes. Eventually, we started dating. In this church culture, there were many rules around intimacy. No sex before marriage. You could maybe hold hands, go on your date once a week, very structured and not very natural.

Anne: How old were you at the time?

Mary: I had just finished my master’s, so I was 26 or 27. We dated for one year, and on the anniversary of that year, he proposed.

Dating Red Flags: Why My Husband Ignoring Me Isn’t Just Stress

Mary