Episode Details

Dating after narcissistic abuse isn’t easy. I know because I’ve been there.

If you’re healing from narcissistic abuse and need place to share your feelings, attend a Before I started dating, I attended Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group Session TODAY.

For me, dating after narcissistic abuse was a rollercoaster ride of emotions, from the initial shock of realizing what I’d been through to the gradual process of rebuilding my sense of self-worth and rediscovering what healthy love truly means.

I didn’t take things fast because I’d already been in an abusive relationship in college. I wanted to do things “right” this time. But you can’t do things right with a narcissistic abuser. Pretty soon, the patterns started to show, and I realized I was in an abusive relationship.

How to Spot Narcissistic Abuse: Identifying The Signs

1. Gaslighting
2. Using coercion as means of control
3. Avoiding attachment to punish and control
4. Blaming and shaming the victim
5. Creating an environment where the victim has to walk on eggshells to avoid altercations and emotional abuse

Preparing to Date After Narcissistic Abuse

Before I started dating, I attended Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group Sessions, where I realized that there are others who’ve been through similar experiences. Knowing that I wasn’t the only one was a huge source of comfort and validation.

Preparing To Date By Learning How To Set Boundaries

I enrolled in The Betrayal Trauma Recovery Living Free Workshop and learned how to set effective boundaries.

Dating Myself After Narcissistic Abuse

Eventually (for me, it was about a year), I decided I wanted to start dating again.

I decided to start by “dating myself.” It was a really fun process! And something I’d never done before. I’d take myself out to dinner, go on long walks, rent a movie, or take a night drive. I started journaling, which is something I’d never, ever done in my life. I even wrote myself love letters. 🙂

About six months into my “dating myself” era, I decided to start dating other people besides myself :).

New Relationships After Narcissistic Abuse

At first, it was really, really scary. I was terrified that I would find another abuser and end up repeating the cycle. So I pulled back and went back to dating myself again. But gradually, the desire came back and I put myself out there again.

My advice?

1. Going too fast too soon? Notice if they struggle to understand or care about your feelings or others’ emotions.
2. Do they seem like they were made just for you? Be wary if they constantly crave excessive praise or need to be the center of attention.
3. Trying to make you feel sorry for them? Watch out for signs they believe they deserve special treatment.
4. Do you feel like they just have a few things to learn, and they’d be amazing? Be cautious if you constantly make excuses for their behavior or believe th