Episode Details

What happens when churches don’t believe abuse victims? Unfortunately, nothing good for the victim. When a so-called representative of Christ supports essentially evil over a faithful woman it is shocking to women. When churches don’t believe abuse victims, the ensuing secondary trauma runs deep. Janice shares her story of what happened when the church didn’t believe her.

Sometimes, church leaders and congregants are well-meaning, but simply don’t know how to support abuse and betrayal victims. In this case, it’s best for clergy to direct victims to experts. Who can give them knowledgeable guidance and help to get to safety. If you need live support, attend a Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group Session.

Clergy can provide spiritual support. This does not mean counseling victims to stay with their abusers. It means offering unconditional love and resources to the victim and her children. It means clergy should validate the victim’s pain and assure her that she is believed.

When Churches Give Victims Harmful Counsel

In the Betrayal Trauma Recovery community, those belonging to faith communities when churches don’t believe abuse victims. Women have shared harmful counsel, including:

• Just have more sex with your abusive husband
• Submit to sex however and whenever he wants you to do it
• Divorce is always the devil’s plan; if you decide to divorce your abuser, you are listening to Satan
• The church will abandon you if you choose to leave your abuser
• If he abuses you, it is because his needs are not met, so be a better “helpmeet”
• He uses pornography because you, the victim, are not sexual enough
• He lies to you because you are an angry woman
• Forgive and forget
• Trust him again, right away, in order to save your marriage
• There are two sides to every story – be charitable and see your part in this

Harmful and downright abusive “counsel” can send victims into a downward spiral. Many victims can become so traumatized by clergy that they face a faith crisis and may feel unable to participate in organized religion at all.

To discover if you’re emotionally abused, take our free emotional abuse quiz.

If Your Church Has Harmed You, Practice Self-Compassion

If you are or once were a member of a faith community, now facing a faith crisis, or have distanced yourself from church. You may feel ashamed, guilty, and isolated. Know that the secondary trauma you experienced because of ignorant, harmful and/or abusive clergy is not your fault. You trusted your church leaders, and they should have been there for you. But when churches don’t believe abuse victims, it is crushing.

Please practice self-care, seek support, and douse yourself in compassion. The Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group is here for you. Join today and begin your journey to healing.

Transcript: What Happens When Churches Don’t Believe Abuse Victims?

Anne: I have a victim we’re going to call Janice on today’s episode, sharing her story. We’ll talk about when churches don’t believe abuse victims. She loves traveling and spending time with her family, especially her 10 grandchildren. Welcome, Janice.

Janice: Thank you, Anne. I appreciate it.

Anne: So, let’s start with your story.

Janice: I was a victim of domestic abuse for 23 years, but I didn’t recognize it until about the 23rd year. All those years, while in that marriage, we would contact counselors, pastors, usually we’d go to a pastor first. And they would treat it like a marital problem. And mos