Episode Details
Back to EpisodesWhat Is A Sex Addict? What You Need To Know
Description
What is a sex addict called? Just ask two wives who share their what label they gave their husband when he confessed his sex addiction. Secret pornography use and other forms of intimate betrayal have been labeled “sex addiction” by therapists and clergy for years. While it is absolutely addictive, calling him an addict doesn’t solve the problem. Kate and Anne Blythe, M.Ed. talk about their husband’s addiction and what they prefer to call it.
Too often, intimate betrayal, including pornography use, is only considered a sexual addiction issue. The problem here is that while these behaviors are addictive, abuse is the real issue.
To discover if you’re emotionally abused, take our free emotional abuse quiz.
But What If He Really Is Addicted?
Some victims think calling their husband a sex addict will motivate him to get help. But treatment usually makes things worse for his wife. The abuser’s victims are largely ignored and/or blamed for the behavior of the addict. By correctly labeling his behaviors as abusive, women can get the help they need to protect themselves from abuse.
Transcript: What Is A Sex Addict Called?
Anne: I have my friend Kate on with me today. We are just hanging out, chatting. About what is a sex addict called? Like what are you going to call your addict husband? If he’s got an addiction, are you going to say sex addict or will you call it something else? We are talking about that. So to put words in Kate’s mouth quickly, we both agree that pornography is addictive. We both agree that its use is abuse.
And then also the behaviors around it, the gaslighting, the lying, the manipulation. All those types of behaviors around it constitute emotional abuse, psychological abuse, and sexual coercion. So we both agree on that point. I prefer to use the word abusive. When we were talking before, Kate said, “No, I actually like the word addiction.” So Kate, can you talk about why you like using the word addiction?
Kate: I actually like both. I know there are some people out there who are like, maybe it’s not an addiction, maybe it’s a compulsion. So we’ll just get rid of the word addiction and call it all abuse. It does fit the definition of addiction. The research on the brain shows it is an addiction. I like to call it addiction simply because if you call it a compulsion, like some people have been doing, well, anything could be compulsive.
Did he eat a cake? Is he compulsive with a cake? Does he bite his nails compulsively? When you say, “Oh, my husband has a compulsive issue.” It just doesn’t hold as much seriousness as addiction does.
The Seriousness Of Addiction
Kate: It’s as if somebody who had cancer, were to say, “I have an illness.” Some people might be like, “Oh, is it a serious illness?” Other people might be like, “Oh, maybe it’s just a common cold.” The word addiction has more seriousness than compulsion. As far as either abuse or addiction, I just use both because they feed off each other so much.
I don’t think you can have sex addiction without some type of abuse. I don’t know about other addictions. I’ve heard from other people who said their husbands were maybe alcoholics, w