Episode Details

When your husband doesn’t help with housework, it’s important to understand how it might impact you.

Sometimes his refusal to do housework is a sign of emotional abuse. To discover if he’s using any one of the 19 different types of emotional abuse, take our free abuse quiz.

Transcript: When Your Husband Doesn’t Help With Housework

Anne: It’s just me today. I’m going to talk about what happens when your husband doesn’t help with the housework. When he fails to help with household responsibilities, it forces you to shoulder a heavy burden alone. The situation feels overwhelming. Before we dive into solutions, we need to discuss why this problem happens so often. We’ll examine societal norms, historical dynamics, and personal beliefs. So let’s get into it.

Historically, many cultures have perpetuated the idea that housework is “women’s work.” And this notion is rooted in the systemic exploitation of women throughout time. This belief persists often unexamined, allowing unequal dynamics to thrive in households. Misogyny, whether overt or subtle, plays a role in enabling the unequal distribution of labor this is a powerful truth about emotional abuse.

Women do about 70% of the world’s work. Unfair systems have exploited women since the beginning of time, so society teaches men to expect women to handle most housework and family responsibilities. If your husband avoids chores, remember this goes beyond cleaning—it’s about fairness.

When I grew up in my faith, people said household tasks held divine importance. They claimed these tasks were special and that women who did them were lucky. I disagree. Someone needs to do the laundry. The dishes need to be washed. Someone needs to buy the groceries. Someone needs to make the meals. These tasks are not special.

The Importance Of Shared Responsibilities

Anne: If someone avoids housework, problems pile up. Your house becomes a disaster. Nobody feeds anyone. Nobody stocks the fridge with food. This work matters, but anyone can do it. I mean, you’ve seen 9 to 5 or Mad Men. The women worked hard at the office, but the men claimed all the credit and earned the bulk of the pay. And THEN women handled all the chores once they got home.

When we discuss an imbalance of labor, we must address issues of power and privilege. Many men who resist housework often exploit their partners by placing the burden of domestic responsibilities solely on them, failing to acknowledge their exploitative privilege and unequal division of labor within the household. Abusive men often believe that asking them to contribute equally in a relationship or help around the house attacks their identity as men.

All marriages must prioritize safety. But being pro-safety doesn’t oppose marriage. Marriage exists to create a safe and equal partnership.

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