Episode Details

Many women wonder, “Can trauma affect your sex drive?” Yes, trauma can have a profound impact. Especially if your partner emotionally traumatized you.

It’s a basic fact that emotional abuse isn’t attractive. There are 19 different types of emotional abuse, to see if you’ve been experiencing any one of the 19 types, take our free emotional abuse quiz.

1. It’s Normal To Not Want physical contact When A Man Lied To You

If your husband lied to you, of course, you’re not going to want to have contact. Healthy intimacy is based on trust and empathy. If he’s been lying to you about anything, that will affect your drive.

However, if he’s been lying to you about his pornography use or his affairs, of course you won’t feel emotionally and physically safe with him.

If you feel unsafe with your husband, learn more about this by listening to the FREE Betrayal Trauma Recovery Podcast.

2. Can Trauma Affect Your Drive?

Yes, many women don’t understand the different types of trauma you may be experiencing. For example, some men traumatize their partners by not caring about her experience. If your husband has never cared if you enjoy it, or if you get anything out of it, that’s traumatizing. Why would any woman want to under those circumstances? It’s normal to not want to do something that isn’t enjoyable for you.

And if your husband insists you owe it to him for whatever reason, that’s coercion. And coercion is an absolute turn off. It’s completely normal to not want to be intimate with someone manipulating and exploiting you.

3. Detaching From Your Body Is A Trauma Response

If you find yourself numbing out or emotionally detached during just to get it over with, there’s a likelihood that the experience is abusive in nature.

If he doesn’t care that you’re not engaged or that you have to detach to get through it, he doesn’t possess the empathy required to be a healthy partner. It’s normal to not want to have it with someone who doesn’t care about you.

Whether you’ve experienced emotional, physical, or psychological trauma due to his emotional and psychological abuse and coercion, it’s normal to experience anxiety, dissociation, and even fear.

You don’t owe anyone this for any reason. It’s not a crime to not want it. It’s not immoral or unethical to not want it. The problem isn’t that you don’t want to have it. He feels entitled to it with you, that is the problem. And is emotionally and psychologically abusive to manipulate you to do it when you don’t want to. In fact, it’s called coercion.

It’s Not You—It’s Him

Understand that couple therapy or improved communication won’t solve his abuse problems. It’s normal that your drive only comes online when you’re with someone who…

• is honest and transparent.
• Shows genuine empathy for your feelings.
• doesn’t exploit you emotionally or sexually.
• doesn’t objectify women through the use of exploitative material.

Remember, it’s normal to be disgusted by someone who is emotionally and psychologically abusive.

If you’re navigating the impact of trauma on your sex life, there’s nothing “wrong” with you, and you’re not broken. Wondering, how can trauma affect me? Find support in our online Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group Sessions.

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